Love's Labour's Lost

A comedy written in 1594 by William Shakespeare

1(stage directions)11[The king of Navarre's park. Enter FERDINAND king of Navarre, BIRON, LONGAVILLE and DUMAIN]
211FERDINANDLet fame, that all hunt after in their lives, Live register'd upon our brazen tombs And then grace us in the disgrace of death; When, spite of cormorant devouring Time, The endeavor of this present breath may buy That honour which shall bate his scythe's keen edge And make us heirs of all eternity. Therefore, brave conquerors,--for so you are, That war against your own affections And the huge army of the world's desires,-- Our late edict shall strongly stand in force: Navarre shall be the wonder of the world; Our court shall be a little Academe, Still and contemplative in living art. You three, Biron, Dumain, and Longaville, Have sworn for three years' term to live with me My fellow-scholars, and to keep those statutes That are recorded in this schedule here: Your oaths are pass'd; and now subscribe your names, That his own hand may strike his honour down That violates the smallest branch herein: If you are arm'd to do as sworn to do, Subscribe to your deep oaths, and keep it too.
311LONGAVILLEI am resolved; 'tis but a three years' fast: The mind shall banquet, though the body pine: Fat paunches have lean pates, and dainty bits Make rich the ribs, but bankrupt quite the wits.
411DUMAINMy loving lord, Dumain is mortified: The grosser manner of these world's delights He throws upon the gross world's baser slaves: To love, to wealth, to pomp, I pine and die; With all these living in philosophy.
511BIRONI can but say their protestation over; So much, dear liege, I have already sworn, That is, to live and study here three years. But there are other strict observances; As, not to see a woman in that term, Which I hope well is not enrolled there; And one day in a week to touch no food And but one meal on every day beside, The which I hope is not enrolled there; And then, to sleep but three hours in the night, And not be seen to wink of all the day-- When I was wont to think no harm all night And make a dark night too of half the day-- Which I hope well is not enrolled there: O, these are barren tasks, too hard to keep, Not to see ladies, study, fast, not sleep!
611FERDINANDYour oath is pass'd to pass away from these.
711BIRONLet me say no, my liege, an if you please: I only swore to study with your grace And stay here in your court for three years' space.
811LONGAVILLEYou swore to that, Biron, and to the rest.
911BIRONBy yea and nay, sir, then I swore in jest. What is the end of study? let me know.
1011FERDINANDWhy, that to know, which else we should not know.
1111BIRONThings hid and barr'd, you mean, from common sense?
1211FERDINANDAy, that is study's godlike recompense.
1311BIRONCome on, then; I will swear to study so, To know the thing I am forbid to know: As thus,--to study where I well may dine, When I to feast expressly am forbid; Or study where to meet some mistress fine, When mistresses from common sense are hid; Or, having sworn too hard a keeping oath, Study to break it and not break my troth. If study's gain be thus and this be so, Study knows that which yet it doth not know: Swear me to this, and I will ne'er say no.
1411FERDINANDThese be the stops that hinder study quite And train our intellects to vain delight.
1511BIRONWhy, all delights are vain; but that most vain, Which with pain purchased doth inherit pain: As, painfully to pore upon a book To seek the light of truth; while truth the while Doth falsely blind the eyesight of his look: Light seeking light doth light of light beguile: So, ere you find where light in darkness lies, Your light grows dark by losing of your eyes. Study me how to please the eye indeed By fixing it upon a fairer eye, Who dazzling so, that eye shall be his heed And give him light that it was blinded by. Study is like the heaven's glorious sun That will not be deep-search'd with saucy looks: Small have continual plodders ever won Save base authority from others' books These earthly godfathers of heaven's lights That give a name to every fixed star Have no more profit of their shining nights Than those that walk and wot not what they are. Too much to know is to know nought but fame; And every godfather can give a name.
1611FERDINANDHow well he's read, to reason against reading!
1711DUMAINProceeded well, to stop all good proceeding!
1811LONGAVILLEHe weeds the corn and still lets grow the weeding.
1911BIRONThe spring is near when green geese are a-breeding.
2011DUMAINHow follows that?
2111BIRONFit in his place and time.
2211DUMAINIn reason nothing.
2311BIRONSomething then in rhyme.
2411FERDINANDBiron is like an envious sneaping frost, That bites the first-born infants of the spring.
2511BIRONWell, say I am; why should proud summer boast Before the birds have any cause to sing? Why should I joy in any abortive birth? At Christmas I no more desire a rose Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth; But like of each thing that in season grows. So you, to study now it is too late, Climb o'er the house to unlock the little gate.
2611FERDINANDWell, sit you out: go home, Biron: adieu.
2711BIRONNo, my good lord; I have sworn to stay with you: And though I have for barbarism spoke more Than for that angel knowledge you can say, Yet confident I'll keep what I have swore And bide the penance of each three years' day. Give me the paper; let me read the same; And to the strict'st decrees I'll write my name.
2811FERDINANDHow well this yielding rescues thee from shame!
2911BIRON[Reads] 'Item, That no woman shall come within a mile of my court:' Hath this been proclaimed?
3011LONGAVILLEFour days ago.
3111BIRONLet's see the penalty. [Reads] 'On pain of losing her tongue.' Who devised this penalty?
3211LONGAVILLEMarry, that did I.
3311BIRONSweet lord, and why?
3411LONGAVILLETo fright them hence with that dread penalty.
3511BIRONA dangerous law against gentility! [Reads] 'Item, If any man be seen to talk with a woman within the term of three years, he shall endure such public shame as the rest of the court can possibly devise.' This article, my liege, yourself must break; For well you know here comes in embassy The French king's daughter with yourself to speak-- A maid of grace and complete majesty-- About surrender up of Aquitaine To her decrepit, sick and bedrid father: Therefore this article is made in vain, Or vainly comes the admired princess hither.
3611FERDINANDWhat say you, lords? Why, this was quite forgot.
3711BIRONSo study evermore is overshot: While it doth study to have what it would It doth forget to do the thing it should, And when it hath the thing it hunteth most, 'Tis won as towns with fire, so won, so lost.
3811FERDINANDWe must of force dispense with this decree; She must lie here on mere necessity.
3911BIRONNecessity will make us all forsworn Three thousand times within this three years' space; For every man with his affects is born, Not by might master'd but by special grace: If I break faith, this word shall speak for me; I am forsworn on 'mere necessity.' So to the laws at large I write my name: [Subscribes] And he that breaks them in the least degree Stands in attainder of eternal shame: Suggestions are to other as to me; But I believe, although I seem so loath, I am the last that will last keep his oath. But is there no quick recreation granted?
4011FERDINANDAy, that there is. Our court, you know, is haunted With a refined traveller of Spain; A man in all the world's new fashion planted, That hath a mint of phrases in his brain; One whom the music of his own vain tongue Doth ravish like enchanting harmony; A man of complements, whom right and wrong Have chose as umpire of their mutiny: This child of fancy, that Armado hight, For interim to our studies shall relate In high-born words the worth of many a knight From tawny Spain lost in the world's debate. How you delight, my lords, I know not, I; But, I protest, I love to hear him lie And I will use him for my minstrelsy.
4111BIRONArmado is a most illustrious wight, A man of fire-new words, fashion's own knight.
4211LONGAVILLECostard the swain and he shall be our sport; And so to study, three years is but short.
43(stage directions)11[Enter DULL with a letter, and COSTARD]
4411DULLWhich is the duke's own person?
4511BIRONThis, fellow: what wouldst?
4611DULLI myself reprehend his own person, for I am his grace's tharborough: but I would see his own person in flesh and blood.
4711BIRONThis is he.
4811DULLSignior Arme--Arme--commends you. There's villany abroad: this letter will tell you more.
4911COSTARDSir, the contempts thereof are as touching me.
5011FERDINANDA letter from the magnificent Armado.
5111BIRONHow low soever the matter, I hope in God for high words.
5211LONGAVILLEA high hope for a low heaven: God grant us patience!
5311BIRONTo hear? or forbear laughing?
5411LONGAVILLETo hear meekly, sir, and to laugh moderately; or to forbear both.
5511BIRONWell, sir, be it as the style shall give us cause to climb in the merriness.
5611COSTARDThe matter is to me, sir, as concerning Jaquenetta. The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner.
5711BIRONIn what manner?
5811COSTARDIn manner and form following, sir; all those three: I was seen with her in the manor-house, sitting with her upon the form, and taken following her into the park; which, put together, is in manner and form following. Now, sir, for the manner,--it is the manner of a man to speak to a woman: for the form,-- in some form.
5911BIRONFor the following, sir?
6011COSTARDAs it shall follow in my correction: and God defend the right!
6111FERDINANDWill you hear this letter with attention?
6211BIRONAs we would hear an oracle.
6311COSTARDSuch is the simplicity of man to hearken after the flesh.
6411FERDINAND[Reads] 'Great deputy, the welkin's vicegerent and sole dominator of Navarre, my soul's earth's god, and body's fostering patron.'
6511COSTARDNot a word of Costard yet.
6611FERDINAND[Reads] 'So it is,'--
6711COSTARDIt may be so: but if he say it is so, he is, in telling true, but so.
6911COSTARDBe to me and every man that dares not fight!
7011FERDINANDNo words!
7111COSTARDOf other men's secrets, I beseech you.
7211FERDINAND[Reads] 'So it is, besieged with sable-coloured melancholy, I did commend the black-oppressing humour to the most wholesome physic of thy health-giving air; and, as I am a gentleman, betook myself to walk. The time when. About the sixth hour; when beasts most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that nourishment which is called supper: so much for the time when. Now for the ground which; which, I mean, I walked upon: it is y-cleped thy park. Then for the place where; where, I mean, I did encounter that obscene and preposterous event, that draweth from my snow-white pen the ebon-coloured ink, which here thou viewest, beholdest, surveyest, or seest; but to the place where; it standeth north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy curious- knotted garden: there did I see that low-spirited swain, that base minnow of thy mirth,'--
7411FERDINAND[Reads] 'that unlettered small-knowing soul,'--
7611FERDINAND[Reads] 'that shallow vassal,'--
7711COSTARDStill me?
7811FERDINAND[Reads] 'which, as I remember, hight Costard,'--
7911COSTARDO, me!
8011FERDINAND[Reads] 'sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established proclaimed edict and continent canon, which with,--O, with--but with this I passion to say wherewith,--
8111COSTARDWith a wench.
8211FERDINAND[Reads] 'with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or, for thy more sweet understanding, a woman. Him I, as my ever-esteemed duty pricks me on, have sent to thee, to receive the meed of punishment, by thy sweet grace's officer, Anthony Dull; a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.'
8311DULL'Me, an't shall please you; I am Anthony Dull.
8411FERDINAND[Reads] 'For Jaquenetta,--so is the weaker vessel called which I apprehended with the aforesaid swain,--I keep her as a vessel of the law's fury; and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice, bring her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted and heart-burning heat of duty. DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'
8511BIRONThis is not so well as I looked for, but the best that ever I heard.
8611FERDINANDAy, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to this?
8711COSTARDSir, I confess the wench.
8811FERDINANDDid you hear the proclamation?
8911COSTARDI do confess much of the hearing it but little of the marking of it.
9011FERDINANDIt was proclaimed a year's imprisonment, to be taken with a wench.
9111COSTARDI was taken with none, sir: I was taken with a damsel.
9211FERDINANDWell, it was proclaimed 'damsel.'
9311COSTARDThis was no damsel, neither, sir; she was a virgin.
9411FERDINANDIt is so varied, too; for it was proclaimed 'virgin.'
9511COSTARDIf it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken with a maid.
9611FERDINANDThis maid will not serve your turn, sir.
9711COSTARDThis maid will serve my turn, sir.
9811FERDINANDSir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a week with bran and water.
9911COSTARDI had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.
10011FERDINANDAnd Don Armado shall be your keeper. My Lord Biron, see him deliver'd o'er: And go we, lords, to put in practise that Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.
101(stage directions)11[Exeunt FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN]
10211BIRONI'll lay my head to any good man's hat, These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn. Sirrah, come on.
10311COSTARDI suffer for the truth, sir; for true it is, I was taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore welcome the sour cup of prosperity! Affliction may one day smile again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow!
104(stage directions)11[Exeunt]
105(stage directions)12[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH]
10612DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOBoy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy?
10712MOTHA great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
10812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWhy, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.
10912MOTHNo, no; O Lord, sir, no.
11012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOHow canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender juvenal?
11112MOTHBy a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.
11212DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWhy tough senior? why tough senior?
11312MOTHWhy tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?
11412DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
11512MOTHAnd I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your old time, which we may name tough.
11612DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOPretty and apt.
11712MOTHHow mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and my saying pretty?
11812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThou pretty, because little.
11912MOTHLittle pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
12012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOAnd therefore apt, because quick.
12112MOTHSpeak you this in my praise, master?
12212DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOIn thy condign praise.
12312MOTHI will praise an eel with the same praise.
12412DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWhat, that an eel is ingenious?
12512MOTHThat an eel is quick.
12612DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.
12712MOTHI am answered, sir.
12812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI love not to be crossed.
12912MOTH[Aside] He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.
13012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI have promised to study three years with the duke.
13112MOTHYou may do it in an hour, sir.
13312MOTHHow many is one thrice told?
13412DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.
13512MOTHYou are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
13612DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI confess both: they are both the varnish of a complete man.
13712MOTHThen, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace amounts to.
13812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOIt doth amount to one more than two.
13912MOTHWhich the base vulgar do call three.
14112MOTHWhy, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here is three studied, ere ye'll thrice wink: and how easy it is to put 'years' to the word 'three,' and study three years in two words, the dancing horse will tell you.
14212DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOA most fine figure!
14312MOTHTo prove you a cipher.
14412DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour of affection would deliver me from the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should outswear Cupid. Comfort, me, boy: what great men have been in love?
14512MOTHHercules, master.
14612DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOMost sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good repute and carriage.
14712MOTHSamson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his back like a porter: and he was in love.
14812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOO well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson's love, my dear Moth?
14912MOTHA woman, master.
15012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOOf what complexion?
15112MOTHOf all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.
15212DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOTell me precisely of what complexion.
15312MOTHOf the sea-water green, sir.
15412DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOIs that one of the four complexions?
15512MOTHAs I have read, sir; and the best of them too.
15612DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOGreen indeed is the colour of lovers; but to have a love of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason for it. He surely affected her for her wit.
15712MOTHIt was so, sir; for she had a green wit.
15812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOMy love is most immaculate white and red.
15912MOTHMost maculate thoughts, master, are masked under such colours.
16012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADODefine, define, well-educated infant.
16112MOTHMy father's wit and my mother's tongue, assist me!
16212DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSweet invocation of a child; most pretty and pathetical!
16312MOTHIf she be made of white and red, Her faults will ne'er be known, For blushing cheeks by faults are bred And fears by pale white shown: Then if she fear, or be to blame, By this you shall not know, For still her cheeks possess the same Which native she doth owe. A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and red.
16412DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOIs there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?
16512MOTHThe world was very guilty of such a ballad some three ages since: but I think now 'tis not to be found; or, if it were, it would neither serve for the writing nor the tune.
16612DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI will have that subject newly writ o'er, that I may example my digression by some mighty precedent. Boy, I do love that country girl that I took in the park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.
16712MOTH[Aside] To be whipped; and yet a better love than my master.
16812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.
16912MOTHAnd that's great marvel, loving a light wench.
17012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI say, sing.
17112MOTHForbear till this company be past.
172(stage directions)12[Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA]
17312DULLSir, the duke's pleasure is, that you keep Costard safe: and you must suffer him to take no delight nor no penance; but a' must fast three days a week. For this damsel, I must keep her at the park: she is allowed for the day-woman. Fare you well.
17412DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI do betray myself with blushing. Maid!
17612DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI will visit thee at the lodge.
17712JAQUENETTAThat's hereby.
17812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI know where it is situate.
17912JAQUENETTALord, how wise you are!
18012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI will tell thee wonders.
18112JAQUENETTAWith that face?
18212DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI love thee.
18312JAQUENETTASo I heard you say.
18412DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOAnd so, farewell.
18512JAQUENETTAFair weather after you!
18612DULLCome, Jaquenetta, away!
187(stage directions)12[Exeunt DULL and JAQUENETTA]
18812DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOVillain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be pardoned.
18912COSTARDWell, sir, I hope, when I do it, I shall do it on a full stomach.
19012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThou shalt be heavily punished.
19112COSTARDI am more bound to you than your fellows, for they are but lightly rewarded.
19212DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOTake away this villain; shut him up.
19312MOTHCome, you transgressing slave; away!
19412COSTARDLet me not be pent up, sir: I will fast, being loose.
19512MOTHNo, sir; that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.
19612COSTARDWell, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation that I have seen, some shall see.
19712MOTHWhat shall some see?
19812COSTARDNay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon. It is not for prisoners to be too silent in their words; and therefore I will say nothing: I thank God I have as little patience as another man; and therefore I can be quiet.
199(stage directions)12[Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD]
20012DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI do affect the very ground, which is base, where her shoe, which is baser, guided by her foot, which is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And how can that be true love which is falsely attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil: there is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit. Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club; and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier. The first and second cause will not serve my turn; the passado he respects not, the duello he regards not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust rapier! be still, drum! for your manager is in love; yea, he loveth. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.
201(stage directions)12[Exit] [Enter the PRINCESS of France, ROSALINE, MARIA,] KATHARINE, BOYET, Lords, and other Attendants]
20221BOYETNow, madam, summon up your dearest spirits: Consider who the king your father sends, To whom he sends, and what's his embassy: Yourself, held precious in the world's esteem, To parley with the sole inheritor Of all perfections that a man may owe, Matchless Navarre; the plea of no less weight Than Aquitaine, a dowry for a queen. Be now as prodigal of all dear grace As Nature was in making graces dear When she did starve the general world beside And prodigally gave them all to you.
20321PRINCESSGood Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean, Needs not the painted flourish of your praise: Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye, Not utter'd by base sale of chapmen's tongues: I am less proud to hear you tell my worth Than you much willing to be counted wise In spending your wit in the praise of mine. But now to task the tasker: good Boyet, You are not ignorant, all-telling fame Doth noise abroad, Navarre hath made a vow, Till painful study shall outwear three years, No woman may approach his silent court: Therefore to's seemeth it a needful course, Before we enter his forbidden gates, To know his pleasure; and in that behalf, Bold of your worthiness, we single you As our best-moving fair solicitor. Tell him, the daughter of the King of France, On serious business, craving quick dispatch, Importunes personal conference with his grace: Haste, signify so much; while we attend, Like humble-visaged suitors, his high will.
20421BOYETProud of employment, willingly I go.
20521PRINCESSAll pride is willing pride, and yours is so. [Exit BOYET] Who are the votaries, my loving lords, That are vow-fellows with this virtuous duke?
20621FIRST LORDLord Longaville is one.
20721PRINCESSKnow you the man?
20821MARIAI know him, madam: at a marriage-feast, Between Lord Perigort and the beauteous heir Of Jaques Falconbridge, solemnized In Normandy, saw I this Longaville: A man of sovereign parts he is esteem'd; Well fitted in arts, glorious in arms: Nothing becomes him ill that he would well. The only soil of his fair virtue's gloss, If virtue's gloss will stain with any soil, Is a sharp wit matched with too blunt a will; Whose edge hath power to cut, whose will still wills It should none spare that come within his power.
20921PRINCESSSome merry mocking lord, belike; is't so?
21021MARIAThey say so most that most his humours know.
21121PRINCESSSuch short-lived wits do wither as they grow. Who are the rest?
21221KATHARINEThe young Dumain, a well-accomplished youth, Of all that virtue love for virtue loved: Most power to do most harm, least knowing ill; For he hath wit to make an ill shape good, And shape to win grace though he had no wit. I saw him at the Duke Alencon's once; And much too little of that good I saw Is my report to his great worthiness.
21321ROSALINEAnother of these students at that time Was there with him, if I have heard a truth. Biron they call him; but a merrier man, Within the limit of becoming mirth, I never spent an hour's talk withal: His eye begets occasion for his wit; For every object that the one doth catch The other turns to a mirth-moving jest, Which his fair tongue, conceit's expositor, Delivers in such apt and gracious words That aged ears play truant at his tales And younger hearings are quite ravished; So sweet and voluble is his discourse.
21421PRINCESSGod bless my ladies! are they all in love, That every one her own hath garnished With such bedecking ornaments of praise?
21521FIRST LORDHere comes Boyet.
216(stage directions)21[Re-enter BOYET]
21721PRINCESSNow, what admittance, lord?
21821BOYETNavarre had notice of your fair approach; And he and his competitors in oath Were all address'd to meet you, gentle lady, Before I came. Marry, thus much I have learnt: He rather means to lodge you in the field, Like one that comes here to besiege his court, Than seek a dispensation for his oath, To let you enter his unpeopled house. Here comes Navarre. [Enter FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, DUMAIN, BIRON, and] Attendants]
21921FERDINANDFair princess, welcome to the court of Navarre.
22021PRINCESS'Fair' I give you back again; and 'welcome' I have not yet: the roof of this court is too high to be yours; and welcome to the wide fields too base to be mine.
22121FERDINANDYou shall be welcome, madam, to my court.
22221PRINCESSI will be welcome, then: conduct me thither.
22321FERDINANDHear me, dear lady; I have sworn an oath.
22421PRINCESSOur Lady help my lord! he'll be forsworn.
22521FERDINANDNot for the world, fair madam, by my will.
22621PRINCESSWhy, will shall break it; will and nothing else.
22721FERDINANDYour ladyship is ignorant what it is.
22821PRINCESSWere my lord so, his ignorance were wise, Where now his knowledge must prove ignorance. I hear your grace hath sworn out house-keeping: Tis deadly sin to keep that oath, my lord, And sin to break it. But pardon me. I am too sudden-bold: To teach a teacher ill beseemeth me. Vouchsafe to read the purpose of my coming, And suddenly resolve me in my suit.
22921FERDINANDMadam, I will, if suddenly I may.
23021PRINCESSYou will the sooner, that I were away; For you'll prove perjured if you make me stay.
23121BIRONDid not I dance with you in Brabant once?
23221ROSALINEDid not I dance with you in Brabant once?
23321BIRONI know you did.
23421ROSALINEHow needless was it then to ask the question!
23521BIRONYou must not be so quick.
23621ROSALINE'Tis 'long of you that spur me with such questions.
23721BIRONYour wit's too hot, it speeds too fast, 'twill tire.
23821ROSALINENot till it leave the rider in the mire.
23921BIRONWhat time o' day?
24021ROSALINEThe hour that fools should ask.
24121BIRONNow fair befall your mask!
24221ROSALINEFair fall the face it covers!
24321BIRONAnd send you many lovers!
24421ROSALINEAmen, so you be none.
24521BIRONNay, then will I be gone.
24621FERDINANDMadam, your father here doth intimate The payment of a hundred thousand crowns; Being but the one half of an entire sum Disbursed by my father in his wars. But say that he or we, as neither have, Received that sum, yet there remains unpaid A hundred thousand more; in surety of the which, One part of Aquitaine is bound to us, Although not valued to the money's worth. If then the king your father will restore But that one half which is unsatisfied, We will give up our right in Aquitaine, And hold fair friendship with his majesty. But that, it seems, he little purposeth, For here he doth demand to have repaid A hundred thousand crowns; and not demands, On payment of a hundred thousand crowns, To have his title live in Aquitaine; Which we much rather had depart withal And have the money by our father lent Than Aquitaine so gelded as it is. Dear Princess, were not his requests so far From reason's yielding, your fair self should make A yielding 'gainst some reason in my breast And go well satisfied to France again.
24721PRINCESSYou do the king my father too much wrong And wrong the reputation of your name, In so unseeming to confess receipt Of that which hath so faithfully been paid.
24821FERDINANDI do protest I never heard of it; And if you prove it, I'll repay it back Or yield up Aquitaine.
24921PRINCESSWe arrest your word. Boyet, you can produce acquittances For such a sum from special officers Of Charles his father.
25021FERDINANDSatisfy me so.
25121BOYETSo please your grace, the packet is not come Where that and other specialties are bound: To-morrow you shall have a sight of them.
25221FERDINANDIt shall suffice me: at which interview All liberal reason I will yield unto. Meantime receive such welcome at my hand As honour without breach of honour may Make tender of to thy true worthiness: You may not come, fair princess, in my gates; But here without you shall be so received As you shall deem yourself lodged in my heart, Though so denied fair harbour in my house. Your own good thoughts excuse me, and farewell: To-morrow shall we visit you again.
25321PRINCESSSweet health and fair desires consort your grace!
25421FERDINANDThy own wish wish I thee in every place!
255(stage directions)21[Exit]
25621BIRONLady, I will commend you to mine own heart.
25721ROSALINEPray you, do my commendations; I would be glad to see it.
25821BIRONI would you heard it groan.
25921ROSALINEIs the fool sick?
26021BIRONSick at the heart.
26121ROSALINEAlack, let it blood.
26221BIRONWould that do it good?
26321ROSALINEMy physic says 'ay.'
26421BIRONWill you prick't with your eye?
26521ROSALINENo point, with my knife.
26621BIRONNow, God save thy life!
26721ROSALINEAnd yours from long living!
26821BIRONI cannot stay thanksgiving.
269(stage directions)21[Retiring]
27021DUMAINSir, I pray you, a word: what lady is that same?
27121BOYETThe heir of Alencon, Katharine her name.
27221DUMAINA gallant lady. Monsieur, fare you well.
273(stage directions)21[Exit]
27421LONGAVILLEI beseech you a word: what is she in the white?
27521BOYETA woman sometimes, an you saw her in the light.
27621LONGAVILLEPerchance light in the light. I desire her name.
27721BOYETShe hath but one for herself; to desire that were a shame.
27821LONGAVILLEPray you, sir, whose daughter?
27921BOYETHer mother's, I have heard.
28021LONGAVILLEGod's blessing on your beard!
28121BOYETGood sir, be not offended. She is an heir of Falconbridge.
28221LONGAVILLENay, my choler is ended. She is a most sweet lady.
28321BOYETNot unlike, sir, that may be.
284(stage directions)21[Exit LONGAVILLE]
28521BIRONWhat's her name in the cap?
28621BOYETRosaline, by good hap.
28721BIRONIs she wedded or no?
28821BOYETTo her will, sir, or so.
28921BIRONYou are welcome, sir: adieu.
29021BOYETFarewell to me, sir, and welcome to you.
291(stage directions)21[Exit BIRON]
29221MARIAThat last is Biron, the merry madcap lord: Not a word with him but a jest.
29321BOYETAnd every jest but a word.
29421PRINCESSIt was well done of you to take him at his word.
29521BOYETI was as willing to grapple as he was to board.
29621MARIATwo hot sheeps, marry.
29721BOYETAnd wherefore not ships? No sheep, sweet lamb, unless we feed on your lips.
29821MARIAYou sheep, and I pasture: shall that finish the jest?
29921BOYETSo you grant pasture for me.
300(stage directions)21[Offering to kiss her]
30121MARIANot so, gentle beast: My lips are no common, though several they be.
30221BOYETBelonging to whom?
30321MARIATo my fortunes and me.
30421PRINCESSGood wits will be jangling; but, gentles, agree: This civil war of wits were much better used On Navarre and his book-men; for here 'tis abused.
30521BOYETIf my observation, which very seldom lies, By the heart's still rhetoric disclosed with eyes, Deceive me not now, Navarre is infected.
30621PRINCESSWith what?
30721BOYETWith that which we lovers entitle affected.
30821PRINCESSYour reason?
30921BOYETWhy, all his behaviors did make their retire To the court of his eye, peeping thorough desire: His heart, like an agate, with your print impress'd, Proud with his form, in his eye pride express'd: His tongue, all impatient to speak and not see, Did stumble with haste in his eyesight to be; All senses to that sense did make their repair, To feel only looking on fairest of fair: Methought all his senses were lock'd in his eye, As jewels in crystal for some prince to buy; Who, tendering their own worth from where they were glass'd, Did point you to buy them, along as you pass'd: His face's own margent did quote such amazes That all eyes saw his eyes enchanted with gazes. I'll give you Aquitaine and all that is his, An you give him for my sake but one loving kiss.
31021PRINCESSCome to our pavilion: Boyet is disposed.
31121BOYETBut to speak that in words which his eye hath disclosed. I only have made a mouth of his eye, By adding a tongue which I know will not lie.
31221ROSALINEThou art an old love-monger and speakest skilfully.
31321MARIAHe is Cupid's grandfather and learns news of him.
31421ROSALINEThen was Venus like her mother, for her father is but grim.
31521BOYETDo you hear, my mad wenches?
31721BOYETWhat then, do you see?
31821ROSALINEAy, our way to be gone.
31921BOYETYou are too hard for me.
320(stage directions)21[Exeunt]
321(stage directions)31[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH]
32231DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWarble, child; make passionate my sense of hearing.
324(stage directions)31[Singing]
32531DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSweet air! Go, tenderness of years; take this key, give enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately hither: I must employ him in a letter to my love.
32631MOTHMaster, will you win your love with a French brawl?
32731DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOHow meanest thou? brawling in French?
32831MOTHNo, my complete master: but to jig off a tune at the tongue's end, canary to it with your feet, humour it with turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you swallowed love with singing love, sometime through the nose, as if you snuffed up love by smelling love; with your hat penthouse-like o'er the shop of your eyes; with your arms crossed on your thin-belly doublet like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in your pocket like a man after the old painting; and keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and away. These are complements, these are humours; these betray nice wenches, that would be betrayed without these; and make them men of note--do you note me?--that most are affected to these.
32931DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOHow hast thou purchased this experience?
33031MOTHBy my penny of observation.
33131DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOBut O,--but O,--
33231MOTH'The hobby-horse is forgot.'
33331DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOCallest thou my love 'hobby-horse'?
33431MOTHNo, master; the hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love perhaps a hackney. But have you forgot your love?
33631MOTHNegligent student! learn her by heart.
33731DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOBy heart and in heart, boy.
33831MOTHAnd out of heart, master: all those three I will prove.
33931DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWhat wilt thou prove?
34031MOTHA man, if I live; and this, by, in, and without, upon the instant: by heart you love her, because your heart cannot come by her; in heart you love her, because your heart is in love with her; and out of heart you love her, being out of heart that you cannot enjoy her.
34131DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI am all these three.
34231MOTHAnd three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.
34331DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOFetch hither the swain: he must carry me a letter.
34431MOTHA message well sympathized; a horse to be ambassador for an ass.
34531DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOHa, ha! what sayest thou?
34631MOTHMarry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, for he is very slow-gaited. But I go.
34731DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThe way is but short: away!
34831MOTHAs swift as lead, sir.
34931DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThe meaning, pretty ingenious? Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?
35031MOTHMinime, honest master; or rather, master, no.
35131DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI say lead is slow.
35231MOTHYou are too swift, sir, to say so: Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun?
35331DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSweet smoke of rhetoric! He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that's he: I shoot thee at the swain.
35431MOTHThump then and I flee.
355(stage directions)31[Exit]
35631DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOA most acute juvenal; voluble and free of grace! By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face: Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place. My herald is return'd.
357(stage directions)31[Re-enter MOTH with COSTARD]
35831MOTHA wonder, master! here's a costard broken in a shin.
35931DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSome enigma, some riddle: come, thy l'envoy; begin.
36031COSTARDNo enigma, no riddle, no l'envoy; no salve in the mail, sir: O, sir, plantain, a plain plantain! no l'envoy, no l'envoy; no salve, sir, but a plantain!
36131DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOBy virtue, thou enforcest laughter; thy silly thought my spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my stars! Doth the inconsiderate take salve for l'envoy, and the word l'envoy for a salve?
36231MOTHDo the wise think them other? is not l'envoy a salve?
36331DON ADRIANO DE ARMADONo, page: it is an epilogue or discourse, to make plain Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain. I will example it: The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee, Were still at odds, being but three. There's the moral. Now the l'envoy.
36431MOTHI will add the l'envoy. Say the moral again.
36531DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThe fox, the ape, and the humble-bee, Were still at odds, being but three.
36631MOTHUntil the goose came out of door, And stay'd the odds by adding four. Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with my l'envoy. The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee, Were still at odds, being but three.
36731DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOUntil the goose came out of door, Staying the odds by adding four.
36831MOTHA good l'envoy, ending in the goose: would you desire more?
36931COSTARDThe boy hath sold him a bargain, a goose, that's flat. Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat. To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose: Let me see; a fat l'envoy; ay, that's a fat goose.
37031DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOCome hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?
37131MOTHBy saying that a costard was broken in a shin. Then call'd you for the l'envoy.
37231COSTARDTrue, and I for a plantain: thus came your argument in; Then the boy's fat l'envoy, the goose that you bought; And he ended the market.
37331DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOBut tell me; how was there a costard broken in a shin?
37431MOTHI will tell you sensibly.
37531COSTARDThou hast no feeling of it, Moth: I will speak that l'envoy: I Costard, running out, that was safely within, Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.
37631DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWe will talk no more of this matter.
37731COSTARDTill there be more matter in the shin.
37831DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSirrah Costard, I will enfranchise thee.
37931COSTARDO, marry me to one Frances: I smell some l'envoy, some goose, in this.
38031DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOBy my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty, enfreedoming thy person; thou wert immured, restrained, captivated, bound.
38131COSTARDTrue, true; and now you will be my purgation and let me loose.
38231DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance; and, in lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this: bear this significant [Giving a letter] to the country maid Jaquenetta: there is remuneration; for the best ward of mine honour is rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow.
383(stage directions)31[Exit]
38431MOTHLike the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.
38531COSTARDMy sweet ounce of man's flesh! my incony Jew! [Exit MOTH] Now will I look to his remuneration. Remuneration! O, that's the Latin word for three farthings: three farthings--remuneration.--'What's the price of this inkle?'--'One penny.'--'No, I'll give you a remuneration:' why, it carries it. Remuneration! why, it is a fairer name than French crown. I will never buy and sell out of this word.
386(stage directions)31[Enter BIRON]
38731BIRONO, my good knave Costard! exceedingly well met.
38831COSTARDPray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man buy for a remuneration?
38931BIRONWhat is a remuneration?
39031COSTARDMarry, sir, halfpenny farthing.
39131BIRONWhy, then, three-farthing worth of silk.
39231COSTARDI thank your worship: God be wi' you!
39331BIRONStay, slave; I must employ thee: As thou wilt win my favour, good my knave, Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.
39431COSTARDWhen would you have it done, sir?
39531BIRONThis afternoon.
39631COSTARDWell, I will do it, sir: fare you well.
39731BIRONThou knowest not what it is.
39831COSTARDI shall know, sir, when I have done it.
39931BIRONWhy, villain, thou must know first.
40031COSTARDI will come to your worship to-morrow morning.
40131BIRONIt must be done this afternoon. Hark, slave, it is but this: The princess comes to hunt here in the park, And in her train there is a gentle lady; When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name, And Rosaline they call her: ask for her; And to her white hand see thou do commend This seal'd-up counsel. There's thy guerdon; go.
402(stage directions)31[Giving him a shilling]
40331COSTARDGardon, O sweet gardon! better than remuneration, a'leven-pence farthing better: most sweet gardon! I will do it sir, in print. Gardon! Remuneration!
404(stage directions)31[Exit]
40531BIRONAnd I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love's whip; A very beadle to a humorous sigh; A critic, nay, a night-watch constable; A domineering pedant o'er the boy; Than whom no mortal so magnificent! This whimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy; This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid; Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms, The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans, Liege of all loiterers and malcontents, Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces, Sole imperator and great general Of trotting 'paritors:--O my little heart:-- And I to be a corporal of his field, And wear his colours like a tumbler's hoop! What, I! I love! I sue! I seek a wife! A woman, that is like a German clock, Still a-repairing, ever out of frame, And never going aright, being a watch, But being watch'd that it may still go right! Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all; And, among three, to love the worst of all; A wightly wanton with a velvet brow, With two pitch-balls stuck in her face for eyes; Ay, and by heaven, one that will do the deed Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard: And I to sigh for her! to watch for her! To pray for her! Go to; it is a plague That Cupid will impose for my neglect Of his almighty dreadful little might. Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue and groan: Some men must love my lady and some Joan.
406(stage directions)31[Exit] [Enter the PRINCESS, and her train, a Forester,] BOYET, ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE]
40741PRINCESSWas that the king, that spurred his horse so hard Against the steep uprising of the hill?
40841BOYETI know not; but I think it was not he.
40941PRINCESSWhoe'er a' was, a' show'd a mounting mind. Well, lords, to-day we shall have our dispatch: On Saturday we will return to France. Then, forester, my friend, where is the bush That we must stand and play the murderer in?
41041FORESTERHereby, upon the edge of yonder coppice; A stand where you may make the fairest shoot.
41141PRINCESSI thank my beauty, I am fair that shoot, And thereupon thou speak'st the fairest shoot.
41241FORESTERPardon me, madam, for I meant not so.
41341PRINCESSWhat, what? first praise me and again say no? O short-lived pride! Not fair? alack for woe!
41441FORESTERYes, madam, fair.
41541PRINCESSNay, never paint me now: Where fair is not, praise cannot mend the brow. Here, good my glass, take this for telling true: Fair payment for foul words is more than due.
41641FORESTERNothing but fair is that which you inherit.
41741PRINCESSSee see, my beauty will be saved by merit! O heresy in fair, fit for these days! A giving hand, though foul, shall have fair praise. But come, the bow: now mercy goes to kill, And shooting well is then accounted ill. Thus will I save my credit in the shoot: Not wounding, pity would not let me do't; If wounding, then it was to show my skill, That more for praise than purpose meant to kill. And out of question so it is sometimes, Glory grows guilty of detested crimes, When, for fame's sake, for praise, an outward part, We bend to that the working of the heart; As I for praise alone now seek to spill The poor deer's blood, that my heart means no ill.
41841BOYETDo not curst wives hold that self-sovereignty Only for praise sake, when they strive to be Lords o'er their lords?
41941PRINCESSOnly for praise: and praise we may afford To any lady that subdues a lord.
42041BOYETHere comes a member of the commonwealth.
421(stage directions)41[Enter COSTARD]
42241COSTARDGod dig-you-den all! Pray you, which is the head lady?
42341PRINCESSThou shalt know her, fellow, by the rest that have no heads.
42441COSTARDWhich is the greatest lady, the highest?
42541PRINCESSThe thickest and the tallest.
42641COSTARDThe thickest and the tallest! it is so; truth is truth. An your waist, mistress, were as slender as my wit, One o' these maids' girdles for your waist should be fit. Are not you the chief woman? you are the thickest here.
42741PRINCESSWhat's your will, sir? what's your will?
42841COSTARDI have a letter from Monsieur Biron to one Lady Rosaline.
42941PRINCESSO, thy letter, thy letter! he's a good friend of mine: Stand aside, good bearer. Boyet, you can carve; Break up this capon.
43041BOYETI am bound to serve. This letter is mistook, it importeth none here; It is writ to Jaquenetta.
43141PRINCESSWe will read it, I swear. Break the neck of the wax, and every one give ear.
432(stage directions)41[Reads]
43341BOYET'By heaven, that thou art fair, is most infallible; true, that thou art beauteous; truth itself, that thou art lovely. More fairer than fair, beautiful than beauteous, truer than truth itself, have commiseration on thy heroical vassal! The magnanimous and most illustrate king Cophetua set eye upon the pernicious and indubitate beggar Zenelophon; and he it was that might rightly say, Veni, vidi, vici; which to annothanize in the vulgar,--O base and obscure vulgar!--videlicet, He came, saw, and overcame: he came, one; saw two; overcame, three. Who came? the king: why did he come? to see: why did he see? to overcome: to whom came he? to the beggar: what saw he? the beggar: who overcame he? the beggar. The conclusion is victory: on whose side? the king's. The captive is enriched: on whose side? the beggar's. The catastrophe is a nuptial: on whose side? the king's: no, on both in one, or one in both. I am the king; for so stands the comparison: thou the beggar; for so witnesseth thy lowliness. Shall I command thy love? I may: shall I enforce thy love? I could: shall I entreat thy love? I will. What shalt thou exchange for rags? robes; for tittles? titles; for thyself? me. Thus, expecting thy reply, I profane my lips on thy foot, my eyes on thy picture. and my heart on thy every part. Thine, in the dearest design of industry, DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.' Thus dost thou hear the Nemean lion roar 'Gainst thee, thou lamb, that standest as his prey. Submissive fall his princely feet before, And he from forage will incline to play: But if thou strive, poor soul, what art thou then? Food for his rage, repasture for his den.
43441PRINCESSWhat plume of feathers is he that indited this letter? What vane? what weathercock? did you ever hear better?
43541BOYETI am much deceived but I remember the style.
43641PRINCESSElse your memory is bad, going o'er it erewhile.
43741BOYETThis Armado is a Spaniard, that keeps here in court; A phantasime, a Monarcho, and one that makes sport To the prince and his bookmates.
43841PRINCESSThou fellow, a word: Who gave thee this letter?
43941COSTARDI told you; my lord.
44041PRINCESSTo whom shouldst thou give it?
44141COSTARDFrom my lord to my lady.
44241PRINCESSFrom which lord to which lady?
44341COSTARDFrom my lord Biron, a good master of mine, To a lady of France that he call'd Rosaline.
44441PRINCESSThou hast mistaken his letter. Come, lords, away. [To ROSALINE] Here, sweet, put up this: 'twill be thine another day.
445(stage directions)41[Exeunt PRINCESS and train]
44641BOYETWho is the suitor? who is the suitor?
44741ROSALINEShall I teach you to know?
44841BOYETAy, my continent of beauty.
44941ROSALINEWhy, she that bears the bow. Finely put off!
45041BOYETMy lady goes to kill horns; but, if thou marry, Hang me by the neck, if horns that year miscarry. Finely put on!
45141ROSALINEWell, then, I am the shooter.
45241BOYETAnd who is your deer?
45341ROSALINEIf we choose by the horns, yourself come not near. Finely put on, indeed!
45441MARIAYou still wrangle with her, Boyet, and she strikes at the brow.
45541BOYETBut she herself is hit lower: have I hit her now?
45641ROSALINEShall I come upon thee with an old saying, that was a man when King Pepin of France was a little boy, as touching the hit it?
45741BOYETSo I may answer thee with one as old, that was a woman when Queen Guinover of Britain was a little wench, as touching the hit it.
45841ROSALINEThou canst not hit it, hit it, hit it, Thou canst not hit it, my good man.
45941BOYETAn I cannot, cannot, cannot, An I cannot, another can.
460(stage directions)41[Exeunt ROSALINE and KATHARINE]
46141COSTARDBy my troth, most pleasant: how both did fit it!
46241MARIAA mark marvellous well shot, for they both did hit it.
46341BOYETA mark! O, mark but that mark! A mark, says my lady! Let the mark have a prick in't, to mete at, if it may be.
46441MARIAWide o' the bow hand! i' faith, your hand is out.
46541COSTARDIndeed, a' must shoot nearer, or he'll ne'er hit the clout.
46641BOYETAn if my hand be out, then belike your hand is in.
46741COSTARDThen will she get the upshoot by cleaving the pin.
46841MARIACome, come, you talk greasily; your lips grow foul.
46941COSTARDShe's too hard for you at pricks, sir: challenge her to bowl.
47041BOYETI fear too much rubbing. Good night, my good owl.
471(stage directions)41[Exeunt BOYET and MARIA]
47241COSTARDBy my soul, a swain! a most simple clown! Lord, Lord, how the ladies and I have put him down! O' my troth, most sweet jests! most incony vulgar wit! When it comes so smoothly off, so obscenely, as it were, so fit. Armado o' th' one side,--O, a most dainty man! To see him walk before a lady and to bear her fan! To see him kiss his hand! and how most sweetly a' will swear! And his page o' t' other side, that handful of wit! Ah, heavens, it is a most pathetical nit! Sola, sola!
473(stage directions)41[Shout within]
474(stage directions)41[Exit COSTARD, running]
475(stage directions)42[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL]
47642SIR NATHANIELVery reverend sport, truly; and done in the testimony of a good conscience.
47742HOLOFERNESThe deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe as the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in the ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven; and anon falleth like a crab on the face of terra, the soil, the land, the earth.
47842SIR NATHANIELTruly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly varied, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, I assure ye, it was a buck of the first head.
47942HOLOFERNESSir Nathaniel, haud credo.
48042DULL'Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.
48142HOLOFERNESMost barbarous intimation! yet a kind of insinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of explication; facere, as it were, replication, or rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his inclination, after his undressed, unpolished, uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or rather, unlettered, or ratherest, unconfirmed fashion, to insert again my haud credo for a deer.
48242DULLI said the deer was not a haud credo; twas a pricket.
48342HOLOFERNESTwice-sod simplicity, his coctus! O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!
48442SIR NATHANIELSir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred in a book; he hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink: his intellect is not replenished; he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts: And such barren plants are set before us, that we thankful should be, Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that do fructify in us more than he. For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool, So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school: But omne bene, say I; being of an old father's mind, Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
48542DULLYou two are book-men: can you tell me by your wit What was a month old at Cain's birth, that's not five weeks old as yet?
48642HOLOFERNESDictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.
48742DULLWhat is Dictynna?
48842SIR NATHANIELA title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.
48942HOLOFERNESThe moon was a month old when Adam was no more, And raught not to five weeks when he came to five-score. The allusion holds in the exchange.
49042DULL'Tis true indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.
49142HOLOFERNESGod comfort thy capacity! I say, the allusion holds in the exchange.
49242DULLAnd I say, the pollusion holds in the exchange; for the moon is never but a month old: and I say beside that, 'twas a pricket that the princess killed.
49342HOLOFERNESSir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaph on the death of the deer? And, to humour the ignorant, call I the deer the princess killed a pricket.
49442SIR NATHANIELPerge, good Master Holofernes, perge; so it shall please you to abrogate scurrility.
49542HOLOFERNESI will something affect the letter, for it argues facility. The preyful princess pierced and prick'd a pretty pleasing pricket; Some say a sore; but not a sore, till now made sore with shooting. The dogs did yell: put L to sore, then sorel jumps from thicket; Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting. If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores one sorel. Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.
49642SIR NATHANIELA rare talent!
49742DULL[Aside] If a talent be a claw, look how he claws him with a talent.
49842HOLOFERNESThis is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures, shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions, revolutions: these are begot in the ventricle of memory, nourished in the womb of pia mater, and delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But the gift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I am thankful for it.
49942SIR NATHANIELSir, I praise the Lord for you; and so may my parishioners; for their sons are well tutored by you, and their daughters profit very greatly under you: you are a good member of the commonwealth.
50042HOLOFERNESMehercle, if their sons be ingenuous, they shall want no instruction; if their daughters be capable, I will put it to them: but vir sapit qui pauca loquitur; a soul feminine saluteth us.
501(stage directions)42[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD]
50242JAQUENETTAGod give you good morrow, master Parson.
50342HOLOFERNESMaster Parson, quasi pers-on. An if one should be pierced, which is the one?
50442COSTARDMarry, master schoolmaster, he that is likest to a hogshead.
50542HOLOFERNESPiercing a hogshead! a good lustre of conceit in a tuft of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enough for a swine: 'tis pretty; it is well.
50642JAQUENETTAGood master Parson, be so good as read me this letter: it was given me by Costard, and sent me from Don Armado: I beseech you, read it.
50742HOLOFERNESFauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra Ruminat,--and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I may speak of thee as the traveller doth of Venice; Venetia, Venetia, Chi non ti vede non ti pretia. Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! who understandeth thee not, loves thee not. Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa. Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather, as Horace says in his--What, my soul, verses?
50842SIR NATHANIELAy, sir, and very learned.
50942HOLOFERNESLet me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.
51042SIR NATHANIEL[Reads] If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love? Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow'd! Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove: Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers bow'd. Study his bias leaves and makes his book thine eyes, Where all those pleasures live that art would comprehend: If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice; Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend, All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder; Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire: Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder, Which not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire. Celestial as thou art, O, pardon, love, this wrong, That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.
51142HOLOFERNESYou find not the apostraphas, and so miss the accent: let me supervise the canzonet. Here are only numbers ratified; but, for the elegancy, facility, and golden cadence of poesy, caret. Ovidius Naso was the man: and why, indeed, Naso, but for smelling out the odouriferous flowers of fancy, the jerks of invention? Imitari is nothing: so doth the hound his master, the ape his keeper, the tired horse his rider. But, damosella virgin, was this directed to you?
51242JAQUENETTAAy, sir, from one Monsieur Biron, one of the strange queen's lords.
51342HOLOFERNESI will overglance the superscript: 'To the snow-white hand of the most beauteous Lady Rosaline.' I will look again on the intellect of the letter, for the nomination of the party writing to the person written unto: 'Your ladyship's in all desired employment, BIRON.' Sir Nathaniel, this Biron is one of the votaries with the king; and here he hath framed a letter to a sequent of the stranger queen's, which accidentally, or by the way of progression, hath miscarried. Trip and go, my sweet; deliver this paper into the royal hand of the king: it may concern much. Stay not thy compliment; I forgive thy duty; adieu.
51442JAQUENETTAGood Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!
51542COSTARDHave with thee, my girl.
516(stage directions)42[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA]
51742SIR NATHANIELSir, you have done this in the fear of God, very religiously; and, as a certain father saith,--
51842HOLOFERNESSir tell me not of the father; I do fear colourable colours. But to return to the verses: did they please you, Sir Nathaniel?
51942SIR NATHANIELMarvellous well for the pen.
52042HOLOFERNESI do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupil of mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please you to gratify the table with a grace, I will, on my privilege I have with the parents of the foresaid child or pupil, undertake your ben venuto; where I will prove those verses to be very unlearned, neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention: I beseech your society.
52142SIR NATHANIELAnd thank you too; for society, saith the text, is the happiness of life.
52242HOLOFERNESAnd, certes, the text most infallibly concludes it. [To DULL] Sir, I do invite you too; you shall not say me nay: pauca verba. Away! the gentles are at their game, and we will to our recreation.
523(stage directions)42[Exeunt]
524(stage directions)43[Enter BIRON, with a paper]
52543BIRONThe king he is hunting the deer; I am coursing myself: they have pitched a toil; I am toiling in a pitch,--pitch that defiles: defile! a foul word. Well, set thee down, sorrow! for so they say the fool said, and so say I, and I the fool: well proved, wit! By the Lord, this love is as mad as Ajax: it kills sheep; it kills me, I a sheep: well proved again o' my side! I will not love: if I do, hang me; i' faith, I will not. O, but her eye,--by this light, but for her eye, I would not love her; yes, for her two eyes. Well, I do nothing in the world but lie, and lie in my throat. By heaven, I do love: and it hath taught me to rhyme and to be melancholy; and here is part of my rhyme, and here my melancholy. Well, she hath one o' my sonnets already: the clown bore it, the fool sent it, and the lady hath it: sweet clown, sweeter fool, sweetest lady! By the world, I would not care a pin, if the other three were in. Here comes one with a paper: God give him grace to groan!
526(stage directions)43[Stands aside]
527(stage directions)43[Enter FERDINAND, with a paper]
52843FERDINANDAy me!
52943BIRON[Aside] Shot, by heaven! Proceed, sweet Cupid: thou hast thumped him with thy bird-bolt under the left pap. In faith, secrets!
53043FERDINAND[Reads] So sweet a kiss the golden sun gives not To those fresh morning drops upon the rose, As thy eye-beams, when their fresh rays have smote The night of dew that on my cheeks down flows: Nor shines the silver moon one half so bright Through the transparent bosom of the deep, As doth thy face through tears of mine give light; Thou shinest in every tear that I do weep: No drop but as a coach doth carry thee; So ridest thou triumphing in my woe. Do but behold the tears that swell in me, And they thy glory through my grief will show: But do not love thyself; then thou wilt keep My tears for glasses, and still make me weep. O queen of queens! how far dost thou excel, No thought can think, nor tongue of mortal tell. How shall she know my griefs? I'll drop the paper: Sweet leaves, shade folly. Who is he comes here? [Steps aside] What, Longaville! and reading! listen, ear.
53143BIRONNow, in thy likeness, one more fool appear!
532(stage directions)43[Enter LONGAVILLE, with a paper]
53343LONGAVILLEAy me, I am forsworn!
53443BIRONWhy, he comes in like a perjure, wearing papers.
53543FERDINANDIn love, I hope: sweet fellowship in shame!
53643BIRONOne drunkard loves another of the name.
53743LONGAVILLEAm I the first that have been perjured so?
53843BIRONI could put thee in comfort. Not by two that I know: Thou makest the triumviry, the corner-cap of society, The shape of Love's Tyburn that hangs up simplicity.
53943LONGAVILLEI fear these stubborn lines lack power to move: O sweet Maria, empress of my love! These numbers will I tear, and write in prose.
54043BIRONO, rhymes are guards on wanton Cupid's hose: Disfigure not his slop.
54143LONGAVILLEThis same shall go. [Reads] Did not the heavenly rhetoric of thine eye, 'Gainst whom the world cannot hold argument, Persuade my heart to this false perjury? Vows for thee broke deserve not punishment. A woman I forswore; but I will prove, Thou being a goddess, I forswore not thee: My vow was earthly, thou a heavenly love; Thy grace being gain'd cures all disgrace in me. Vows are but breath, and breath a vapour is: Then thou, fair sun, which on my earth dost shine, Exhalest this vapour-vow; in thee it is: If broken then, it is no fault of mine: If by me broke, what fool is not so wise To lose an oath to win a paradise?
54243BIRONThis is the liver-vein, which makes flesh a deity, A green goose a goddess: pure, pure idolatry. God amend us, God amend! we are much out o' the way.
54343LONGAVILLEBy whom shall I send this?--Company! stay.
544(stage directions)43[Steps aside]
54543BIRONAll hid, all hid; an old infant play. Like a demigod here sit I in the sky. And wretched fools' secrets heedfully o'ereye. More sacks to the mill! O heavens, I have my wish! [Enter DUMAIN, with a paper] Dumain transform'd! four woodcocks in a dish!
54643DUMAINO most divine Kate!
54743BIRONO most profane coxcomb!
54843DUMAINBy heaven, the wonder in a mortal eye!
54943BIRONBy earth, she is not, corporal, there you lie.
55043DUMAINHer amber hair for foul hath amber quoted.
55143BIRONAn amber-colour'd raven was well noted.
55243DUMAINAs upright as the cedar.
55343BIRONStoop, I say; Her shoulder is with child.
55443DUMAINAs fair as day.
55543BIRONAy, as some days; but then no sun must shine.
55643DUMAINO that I had my wish!
55743LONGAVILLEAnd I had mine!
55843FERDINANDAnd I mine too, good Lord!
55943BIRONAmen, so I had mine: is not that a good word?
56043DUMAINI would forget her; but a fever she Reigns in my blood and will remember'd be.
56143BIRONA fever in your blood! why, then incision Would let her out in saucers: sweet misprision!
56243DUMAINOnce more I'll read the ode that I have writ.
56343BIRONOnce more I'll mark how love can vary wit.
56443DUMAIN[Reads] On a day--alack the day!-- Love, whose month is ever May, Spied a blossom passing fair Playing in the wanton air: Through the velvet leaves the wind, All unseen, can passage find; That the lover, sick to death, Wish himself the heaven's breath. Air, quoth he, thy cheeks may blow; Air, would I might triumph so! But, alack, my hand is sworn Ne'er to pluck thee from thy thorn; Vow, alack, for youth unmeet, Youth so apt to pluck a sweet! Do not call it sin in me, That I am forsworn for thee; Thou for whom Jove would swear Juno but an Ethiope were; And deny himself for Jove, Turning mortal for thy love. This will I send, and something else more plain, That shall express my true love's fasting pain. O, would the king, Biron, and Longaville, Were lovers too! Ill, to example ill, Would from my forehead wipe a perjured note; For none offend where all alike do dote.
56543LONGAVILLE[Advancing] Dumain, thy love is far from charity. You may look pale, but I should blush, I know, To be o'erheard and taken napping so.
56643FERDINAND[Advancing] Come, sir, you blush; as his your case is such; You chide at him, offending twice as much; You do not love Maria; Longaville Did never sonnet for her sake compile, Nor never lay his wreathed arms athwart His loving bosom to keep down his heart. I have been closely shrouded in this bush And mark'd you both and for you both did blush: I heard your guilty rhymes, observed your fashion, Saw sighs reek from you, noted well your passion: Ay me! says one; O Jove! the other cries; One, her hairs were gold, crystal the other's eyes: [To LONGAVILLE] You would for paradise break faith, and troth; [To DUMAIN] And Jove, for your love, would infringe an oath. What will Biron say when that he shall hear Faith so infringed, which such zeal did swear? How will he scorn! how will he spend his wit! How will he triumph, leap and laugh at it! For all the wealth that ever I did see, I would not have him know so much by me.
56743BIRONNow step I forth to whip hypocrisy. [Advancing] Ah, good my liege, I pray thee, pardon me! Good heart, what grace hast thou, thus to reprove These worms for loving, that art most in love? Your eyes do make no coaches; in your tears There is no certain princess that appears; You'll not be perjured, 'tis a hateful thing; Tush, none but minstrels like of sonneting! But are you not ashamed? nay, are you not, All three of you, to be thus much o'ershot? You found his mote; the king your mote did see; But I a beam do find in each of three. O, what a scene of foolery have I seen, Of sighs, of groans, of sorrow and of teen! O me, with what strict patience have I sat, To see a king transformed to a gnat! To see great Hercules whipping a gig, And profound Solomon to tune a jig, And Nestor play at push-pin with the boys, And critic Timon laugh at idle toys! Where lies thy grief, O, tell me, good Dumain? And gentle Longaville, where lies thy pain? And where my liege's? all about the breast: A caudle, ho!
56843FERDINANDToo bitter is thy jest. Are we betray'd thus to thy over-view?
56943BIRONNot you to me, but I betray'd by you: I, that am honest; I, that hold it sin To break the vow I am engaged in; I am betray'd, by keeping company With men like men of inconstancy. When shall you see me write a thing in rhyme? Or groan for love? or spend a minute's time In pruning me? When shall you hear that I Will praise a hand, a foot, a face, an eye, A gait, a state, a brow, a breast, a waist, A leg, a limb?
57043FERDINANDSoft! whither away so fast? A true man or a thief that gallops so?
57143BIRONI post from love: good lover, let me go.
572(stage directions)43[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD]
57343JAQUENETTAGod bless the king!
57443FERDINANDWhat present hast thou there?
57543COSTARDSome certain treason.
57643FERDINANDWhat makes treason here?
57743COSTARDNay, it makes nothing, sir.
57843FERDINANDIf it mar nothing neither, The treason and you go in peace away together.
57943JAQUENETTAI beseech your grace, let this letter be read: Our parson misdoubts it; 'twas treason, he said.
58043FERDINANDBiron, read it over. [Giving him the paper] Where hadst thou it?
58143JAQUENETTAOf Costard.
58243FERDINANDWhere hadst thou it?
58343COSTARDOf Dun Adramadio, Dun Adramadio.
584(stage directions)43[BIRON tears the letter]
58543FERDINANDHow now! what is in you? why dost thou tear it?
58643BIRONA toy, my liege, a toy: your grace needs not fear it.
58743LONGAVILLEIt did move him to passion, and therefore let's hear it.
58843DUMAINIt is Biron's writing, and here is his name.
589(stage directions)43[Gathering up the pieces]
59043BIRON[To COSTARD] Ah, you whoreson loggerhead! you were born to do me shame. Guilty, my lord, guilty! I confess, I confess.
59243BIRONThat you three fools lack'd me fool to make up the mess: He, he, and you, and you, my liege, and I, Are pick-purses in love, and we deserve to die. O, dismiss this audience, and I shall tell you more.
59343DUMAINNow the number is even.
59443BIRONTrue, true; we are four. Will these turtles be gone?
59543FERDINANDHence, sirs; away!
59643COSTARDWalk aside the true folk, and let the traitors stay.
597(stage directions)43[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA]
59843BIRONSweet lords, sweet lovers, O, let us embrace! As true we are as flesh and blood can be: The sea will ebb and flow, heaven show his face; Young blood doth not obey an old decree: We cannot cross the cause why we were born; Therefore of all hands must we be forsworn.
59943FERDINANDWhat, did these rent lines show some love of thine?
60043BIRONDid they, quoth you? Who sees the heavenly Rosaline, That, like a rude and savage man of Inde, At the first opening of the gorgeous east, Bows not his vassal head and strucken blind Kisses the base ground with obedient breast? What peremptory eagle-sighted eye Dares look upon the heaven of her brow, That is not blinded by her majesty?
60143FERDINANDWhat zeal, what fury hath inspired thee now? My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon; She an attending star, scarce seen a light.
60243BIRONMy eyes are then no eyes, nor I Biron: O, but for my love, day would turn to night! Of all complexions the cull'd sovereignty Do meet, as at a fair, in her fair cheek, Where several worthies make one dignity, Where nothing wants that want itself doth seek. Lend me the flourish of all gentle tongues,-- Fie, painted rhetoric! O, she needs it not: To things of sale a seller's praise belongs, She passes praise; then praise too short doth blot. A wither'd hermit, five-score winters worn, Might shake off fifty, looking in her eye: Beauty doth varnish age, as if new-born, And gives the crutch the cradle's infancy: O, 'tis the sun that maketh all things shine.
60343FERDINANDBy heaven, thy love is black as ebony.
60443BIRONIs ebony like her? O wood divine! A wife of such wood were felicity. O, who can give an oath? where is a book? That I may swear beauty doth beauty lack, If that she learn not of her eye to look: No face is fair that is not full so black.
60543FERDINANDO paradox! Black is the badge of hell, The hue of dungeons and the suit of night; And beauty's crest becomes the heavens well.
60643BIRONDevils soonest tempt, resembling spirits of light. O, if in black my lady's brows be deck'd, It mourns that painting and usurping hair Should ravish doters with a false aspect; And therefore is she born to make black fair. Her favour turns the fashion of the days, For native blood is counted painting now; And therefore red, that would avoid dispraise, Paints itself black, to imitate her brow.
60743DUMAINTo look like her are chimney-sweepers black.
60843LONGAVILLEAnd since her time are colliers counted bright.
60943FERDINANDAnd Ethiopes of their sweet complexion crack.
61043DUMAINDark needs no candles now, for dark is light.
61143BIRONYour mistresses dare never come in rain, For fear their colours should be wash'd away.
61243FERDINAND'Twere good, yours did; for, sir, to tell you plain, I'll find a fairer face not wash'd to-day.
61343BIRONI'll prove her fair, or talk till doomsday here.
61443FERDINANDNo devil will fright thee then so much as she.
61543DUMAINI never knew man hold vile stuff so dear.
61643LONGAVILLELook, here's thy love: my foot and her face see.
61743BIRONO, if the streets were paved with thine eyes, Her feet were much too dainty for such tread!
61843DUMAINO, vile! then, as she goes, what upward lies The street should see as she walk'd overhead.
61943FERDINANDBut what of this? are we not all in love?
62043BIRONNothing so sure; and thereby all forsworn.
62143FERDINANDThen leave this chat; and, good Biron, now prove Our loving lawful, and our faith not torn.
62243DUMAINAy, marry, there; some flattery for this evil.
62343LONGAVILLEO, some authority how to proceed; Some tricks, some quillets, how to cheat the devil.
62443DUMAINSome salve for perjury.
62543BIRON'Tis more than need. Have at you, then, affection's men at arms. Consider what you first did swear unto, To fast, to study, and to see no woman; Flat treason 'gainst the kingly state of youth. Say, can you fast? your stomachs are too young; And abstinence engenders maladies. And where that you have vow'd to study, lords, In that each of you have forsworn his book, Can you still dream and pore and thereon look? For when would you, my lord, or you, or you, Have found the ground of study's excellence Without the beauty of a woman's face? [From women's eyes this doctrine I derive;] They are the ground, the books, the academes From whence doth spring the true Promethean fire] Why, universal plodding poisons up The nimble spirits in the arteries, As motion and long-during action tires The sinewy vigour of the traveller. Now, for not looking on a woman's face, You have in that forsworn the use of eyes And study too, the causer of your vow; For where is any author in the world Teaches such beauty as a woman's eye? Learning is but an adjunct to ourself And where we are our learning likewise is: Then when ourselves we see in ladies' eyes, Do we not likewise see our learning there? O, we have made a vow to study, lords, And in that vow we have forsworn our books. For when would you, my liege, or you, or you, In leaden contemplation have found out Such fiery numbers as the prompting eyes Of beauty's tutors have enrich'd you with? Other slow arts entirely keep the brain; And therefore, finding barren practisers, Scarce show a harvest of their heavy toil: But love, first learned in a lady's eyes, Lives not alone immured in the brain; But, with the motion of all elements, Courses as swift as thought in every power, And gives to every power a double power, Above their functions and their offices. It adds a precious seeing to the eye; A lover's eyes will gaze an eagle blind; A lover's ear will hear the lowest sound, When the suspicious head of theft is stopp'd: Love's feeling is more soft and sensible Than are the tender horns of cockl'd snails; Love's tongue proves dainty Bacchus gross in taste: For valour, is not Love a Hercules, Still climbing trees in the Hesperides? Subtle as Sphinx; as sweet and musical As bright Apollo's lute, strung with his hair: And when Love speaks, the voice of all the gods Makes heaven drowsy with the harmony. Never durst poet touch a pen to write Until his ink were temper'd with Love's sighs; O, then his lines would ravish savage ears And plant in tyrants mild humility. From women's eyes this doctrine I derive: They sparkle still the right Promethean fire; They are the books, the arts, the academes, That show, contain and nourish all the world: Else none at all in ought proves excellent. Then fools you were these women to forswear, Or keeping what is sworn, you will prove fools. For wisdom's sake, a word that all men love, Or for love's sake, a word that loves all men, Or for men's sake, the authors of these women, Or women's sake, by whom we men are men, Let us once lose our oaths to find ourselves, Or else we lose ourselves to keep our oaths. It is religion to be thus forsworn, For charity itself fulfills the law, And who can sever love from charity?
62643FERDINANDSaint Cupid, then! and, soldiers, to the field!
62743BIRONAdvance your standards, and upon them, lords; Pell-mell, down with them! but be first advised, In conflict that you get the sun of them.
62843LONGAVILLENow to plain-dealing; lay these glozes by: Shall we resolve to woo these girls of France?
62943FERDINANDAnd win them too: therefore let us devise Some entertainment for them in their tents.
63043BIRONFirst, from the park let us conduct them thither; Then homeward every man attach the hand Of his fair mistress: in the afternoon We will with some strange pastime solace them, Such as the shortness of the time can shape; For revels, dances, masks and merry hours Forerun fair Love, strewing her way with flowers.
63143FERDINANDAway, away! no time shall be omitted That will betime, and may by us be fitted.
63243BIRONAllons! allons! Sow'd cockle reap'd no corn; And justice always whirls in equal measure: Light wenches may prove plagues to men forsworn; If so, our copper buys no better treasure.
633(stage directions)43[Exeunt]
634(stage directions)51[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL]
63551HOLOFERNESSatis quod sufficit.
63651SIR NATHANIELI praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affection, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with- out heresy. I did converse this quondam day with a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nomi- nated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.
63751HOLOFERNESNovi hominem tanquam te: his humour is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
63851SIR NATHANIELA most singular and choice epithet.
639(stage directions)51[Draws out his table-book]
64051HOLOFERNESHe draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor such fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and point-devise companions; such rackers of orthography, as to speak dout, fine, when he should say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt,--d, e, b, t, not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf; half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebor; neigh abbreviated ne. This is abhominable,--which he would call abbominable: it insinuateth me of insanie: anne intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic.
64151SIR NATHANIELLaus Deo, bene intelligo.
64251HOLOFERNESBon, bon, fort bon, Priscian! a little scratch'd, 'twill serve.
64351SIR NATHANIELVidesne quis venit?
64451HOLOFERNESVideo, et gaudeo.
645(stage directions)51[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD]
647(stage directions)51[To MOTH]
64851HOLOFERNESQuare chirrah, not sirrah?
64951DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOMen of peace, well encountered.
65051HOLOFERNESMost military sir, salutation.
65151MOTH[Aside to COSTARD] They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
65251COSTARDO, they have lived long on the alms-basket of words. I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word; for thou art not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier swallowed than a flap-dragon.
65351MOTHPeace! the peal begins.
65451DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO[To HOLOFERNES] Monsieur, are you not lettered?
65551MOTHYes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a, b, spelt backward, with the horn on his head?
65651HOLOFERNESBa, pueritia, with a horn added.
65751MOTHBa, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.
65851HOLOFERNESQuis, quis, thou consonant?
65951MOTHThe third of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or the fifth, if I.
66051HOLOFERNESI will repeat them,--a, e, i,--
66151MOTHThe sheep: the other two concludes it,--o, u.
66251DON ADRIANO DE ARMADONow, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet touch, a quick venue of wit! snip, snap, quick and home! it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!
66351MOTHOffered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.
66451HOLOFERNESWhat is the figure? what is the figure?
66651HOLOFERNESThou disputest like an infant: go, whip thy gig.
66751MOTHLend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about your infamy circum circa,--a gig of a cuckold's horn.
66851COSTARDAn I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst have it to buy gingerbread: hold, there is the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but my bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me! Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers' ends, as they say.
66951HOLOFERNESO, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.
67051DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOArts-man, preambulate, we will be singled from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the charge-house on the top of the mountain?
67151HOLOFERNESOr mons, the hill.
67251DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOAt your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
67351HOLOFERNESI do, sans question.
67451DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and affection to congratulate the princess at her pavilion in the posteriors of this day, which the rude multitude call the afternoon.
67551HOLOFERNESThe posterior of the day, most generous sir, is liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon: the word is well culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do assure.
67651DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, I do assure ye, very good friend: for what is inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech thee, remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee, apparel thy head: and among other important and most serious designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass. The very all of all is,--but, sweet heart, I do implore secrecy,--that the king would have me present the princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to crave your assistance.
67751HOLOFERNESSir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies. Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by our assistants, at the king's command, and this most gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before the princess; I say none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
67851SIR NATHANIELWhere will you find men worthy enough to present them?
67951HOLOFERNESJoshua, yourself; myself and this gallant gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the page, Hercules,--
68051DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOPardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club.
68151HOLOFERNESShall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.
68251MOTHAn excellent device! so, if any of the audience hiss, you may cry 'Well done, Hercules! now thou crushest the snake!' that is the way to make an offence gracious, though few have the grace to do it.
68351DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOFor the rest of the Worthies?--
68451HOLOFERNESI will play three myself.
68551MOTHThrice-worthy gentleman!
68651DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOShall I tell you a thing?
68751HOLOFERNESWe attend.
68851DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWe will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I beseech you, follow.
68951HOLOFERNESVia, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.
69051DULLNor understood none neither, sir.
69151HOLOFERNESAllons! we will employ thee.
69251DULLI'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play On the tabour to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.
69351HOLOFERNESMost dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!
694(stage directions)51[Exeunt]
695(stage directions)52[Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE, and MARIA]
69652PRINCESSSweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart, If fairings come thus plentifully in: A lady wall'd about with diamonds! Look you what I have from the loving king.
69752ROSALINEMadame, came nothing else along with that?
69852PRINCESSNothing but this! yes, as much love in rhyme As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper, Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all, That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name.
69952ROSALINEThat was the way to make his godhead wax, For he hath been five thousand years a boy.
70052KATHARINEAy, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.
70152ROSALINEYou'll ne'er be friends with him; a' kill'd your sister.
70252KATHARINEHe made her melancholy, sad, and heavy; And so she died: had she been light, like you, Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit, She might ha' been a grandam ere she died: And so may you; for a light heart lives long.
70352ROSALINEWhat's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?
70452KATHARINEA light condition in a beauty dark.
70552ROSALINEWe need more light to find your meaning out.
70652KATHARINEYou'll mar the light by taking it in snuff; Therefore I'll darkly end the argument.
70752ROSALINELook what you do, you do it still i' the dark.
70852KATHARINESo do not you, for you are a light wench.
70952ROSALINEIndeed I weigh not you, and therefore light.
71052KATHARINEYou weigh me not? O, that's you care not for me.
71152ROSALINEGreat reason; for 'past cure is still past care.'
71252PRINCESSWell bandied both; a set of wit well play'd. But Rosaline, you have a favour too: Who sent it? and what is it?
71352ROSALINEI would you knew: An if my face were but as fair as yours, My favour were as great; be witness this. Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron: The numbers true; and, were the numbering too, I were the fairest goddess on the ground: I am compared to twenty thousand fairs. O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter!
71452PRINCESSAny thing like?
71552ROSALINEMuch in the letters; nothing in the praise.
71652PRINCESSBeauteous as ink; a good conclusion.
71752KATHARINEFair as a text B in a copy-book.
71852ROSALINE'Ware pencils, ho! let me not die your debtor, My red dominical, my golden letter: O, that your face were not so full of O's!
71952KATHARINEA pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows.
72052PRINCESSBut, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumain?
72152KATHARINEMadam, this glove.
72252PRINCESSDid he not send you twain?
72352KATHARINEYes, madam, and moreover Some thousand verses of a faithful lover, A huge translation of hypocrisy, Vilely compiled, profound simplicity.
72452MARIAThis and these pearls to me sent Longaville: The letter is too long by half a mile.
72552PRINCESSI think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart The chain were longer and the letter short?
72652MARIAAy, or I would these hands might never part.
72752PRINCESSWe are wise girls to mock our lovers so.
72852ROSALINEThey are worse fools to purchase mocking so. That same Biron I'll torture ere I go: O that I knew he were but in by the week! How I would make him fawn and beg and seek And wait the season and observe the times And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes And shape his service wholly to my hests And make him proud to make me proud that jests! So perttaunt-like would I o'ersway his state That he should be my fool and I his fate.
72952PRINCESSNone are so surely caught, when they are catch'd, As wit turn'd fool: folly, in wisdom hatch'd, Hath wisdom's warrant and the help of school And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool.
73052ROSALINEThe blood of youth burns not with such excess As gravity's revolt to wantonness.
73152MARIAFolly in fools bears not so strong a note As foolery in the wise, when wit doth dote; Since all the power thereof it doth apply To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity.
73252PRINCESSHere comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.
733(stage directions)52[Enter BOYET]
73452BOYETO, I am stabb'd with laughter! Where's her grace?
73552PRINCESSThy news Boyet?
73652BOYETPrepare, madam, prepare! Arm, wenches, arm! encounters mounted are Against your peace: Love doth approach disguised, Armed in arguments; you'll be surprised: Muster your wits; stand in your own defence; Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.
73752PRINCESSSaint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they That charge their breath against us? say, scout, say.
73852BOYETUnder the cool shade of a sycamore I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour; When, lo! to interrupt my purposed rest, Toward that shade I might behold addrest The king and his companions: warily I stole into a neighbour thicket by, And overheard what you shall overhear, That, by and by, disguised they will be here. Their herald is a pretty knavish page, That well by heart hath conn'd his embassage: Action and accent did they teach him there; 'Thus must thou speak,' and 'thus thy body bear:' And ever and anon they made a doubt Presence majestical would put him out, 'For,' quoth the king, 'an angel shalt thou see; Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.' The boy replied, 'An angel is not evil; I should have fear'd her had she been a devil.' With that, all laugh'd and clapp'd him on the shoulder, Making the bold wag by their praises bolder: One rubb'd his elbow thus, and fleer'd and swore A better speech was never spoke before; Another, with his finger and his thumb, Cried, 'Via! we will do't, come what will come;' The third he caper'd, and cried, 'All goes well;' The fourth turn'd on the toe, and down he fell. With that, they all did tumble on the ground, With such a zealous laughter, so profound, That in this spleen ridiculous appears, To cheque their folly, passion's solemn tears.
73952PRINCESSBut what, but what, come they to visit us?
74052BOYETThey do, they do: and are apparell'd thus. Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess. Their purpose is to parle, to court and dance; And every one his love-feat will advance Unto his several mistress, which they'll know By favours several which they did bestow.
74152PRINCESSAnd will they so? the gallants shall be task'd; For, ladies, we shall every one be mask'd; And not a man of them shall have the grace, Despite of suit, to see a lady's face. Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear, And then the king will court thee for his dear; Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine, So shall Biron take me for Rosaline. And change your favours too; so shall your loves Woo contrary, deceived by these removes.
74252ROSALINECome on, then; wear the favours most in sight.
74352KATHARINEBut in this changing what is your intent?
74452PRINCESSThe effect of my intent is to cross theirs: They do it but in mocking merriment; And mock for mock is only my intent. Their several counsels they unbosom shall To loves mistook, and so be mock'd withal Upon the next occasion that we meet, With visages displayed, to talk and greet.
74552ROSALINEBut shall we dance, if they desire to't?
74652PRINCESSNo, to the death, we will not move a foot; Nor to their penn'd speech render we no grace, But while 'tis spoke each turn away her face.
74752BOYETWhy, that contempt will kill the speaker's heart, And quite divorce his memory from his part.
74852PRINCESSTherefore I do it; and I make no doubt The rest will ne'er come in, if he be out There's no such sport as sport by sport o'erthrown, To make theirs ours and ours none but our own: So shall we stay, mocking intended game, And they, well mock'd, depart away with shame.
749(stage directions)52[Trumpets sound within]
75052BOYETThe trumpet sounds: be mask'd; the maskers come. [The Ladies mask] [Enter Blackamoors with music; MOTH; FERDINAND,] BIRON, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN, in Russian habits, and masked]
75152MOTHAll hail, the richest beauties on the earth!--
75252BOYETBeauties no richer than rich taffeta.
75352MOTHA holy parcel of the fairest dames. [The Ladies turn their backs to him] That ever turn'd their--backs--to mortal views!
75452BIRON[Aside to MOTH] Their eyes, villain, their eyes!
75552MOTHThat ever turn'd their eyes to mortal views!--Out--
75652BOYETTrue; out indeed.
75752MOTHOut of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe Not to behold--
75852BIRON[Aside to MOTH] Once to behold, rogue.
75952MOTHOnce to behold with your sun-beamed eyes, --with your sun-beamed eyes--
76052BOYETThey will not answer to that epithet; You were best call it 'daughter-beamed eyes.'
76152MOTHThey do not mark me, and that brings me out.
76252BIRONIs this your perfectness? be gone, you rogue!
763(stage directions)52[Exit MOTH]
76452ROSALINEWhat would these strangers? know their minds, Boyet: If they do speak our language, 'tis our will: That some plain man recount their purposes Know what they would.
76552BOYETWhat would you with the princess?
76652BIRONNothing but peace and gentle visitation.
76752ROSALINEWhat would they, say they?
76852BOYETNothing but peace and gentle visitation.
76952ROSALINEWhy, that they have; and bid them so be gone.
77052BOYETShe says, you have it, and you may be gone.
77152FERDINANDSay to her, we have measured many miles To tread a measure with her on this grass.
77252BOYETThey say, that they have measured many a mile To tread a measure with you on this grass.
77352ROSALINEIt is not so. Ask them how many inches Is in one mile: if they have measured many, The measure then of one is easily told.
77452BOYETIf to come hither you have measured miles, And many miles, the princess bids you tell How many inches doth fill up one mile.
77552BIRONTell her, we measure them by weary steps.
77652BOYETShe hears herself.
77752ROSALINEHow many weary steps, Of many weary miles you have o'ergone, Are number'd in the travel of one mile?
77852BIRONWe number nothing that we spend for you: Our duty is so rich, so infinite, That we may do it still without accompt. Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face, That we, like savages, may worship it.
77952ROSALINEMy face is but a moon, and clouded too.
78052FERDINANDBlessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do! Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to shine, Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne.
78152ROSALINEO vain petitioner! beg a greater matter; Thou now request'st but moonshine in the water.
78252FERDINANDThen, in our measure do but vouchsafe one change. Thou bid'st me beg: this begging is not strange.
78352ROSALINEPlay, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon. [Music plays] Not yet! no dance! Thus change I like the moon.
78452FERDINANDWill you not dance? How come you thus estranged?
78552ROSALINEYou took the moon at full, but now she's changed.
78652FERDINANDYet still she is the moon, and I the man. The music plays; vouchsafe some motion to it.
78752ROSALINEOur ears vouchsafe it.
78852FERDINANDBut your legs should do it.
78952ROSALINESince you are strangers and come here by chance, We'll not be nice: take hands. We will not dance.
79052FERDINANDWhy take we hands, then?
79152ROSALINEOnly to part friends: Curtsy, sweet hearts; and so the measure ends.
79252FERDINANDMore measure of this measure; be not nice.
79352ROSALINEWe can afford no more at such a price.
79452FERDINANDPrize you yourselves: what buys your company?
79552ROSALINEYour absence only.
79652FERDINANDThat can never be.
79752ROSALINEThen cannot we be bought: and so, adieu; Twice to your visor, and half once to you.
79852FERDINANDIf you deny to dance, let's hold more chat.
79952ROSALINEIn private, then.
80052FERDINANDI am best pleased with that.
801(stage directions)52[They converse apart]
80252BIRONWhite-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.
80352PRINCESSHoney, and milk, and sugar; there is three.
80452BIRONNay then, two treys, and if you grow so nice, Metheglin, wort, and malmsey: well run, dice! There's half-a-dozen sweets.
80552PRINCESSSeventh sweet, adieu: Since you can cog, I'll play no more with you.
80652BIRONOne word in secret.
80752PRINCESSLet it not be sweet.
80852BIRONThou grievest my gall.
80952PRINCESSGall! bitter.
81052BIRONTherefore meet.
811(stage directions)52[They converse apart]
81252DUMAINWill you vouchsafe with me to change a word?
81352MARIAName it.
81452DUMAINFair lady,--
81552MARIASay you so? Fair lord,-- Take that for your fair lady.
81652DUMAINPlease it you, As much in private, and I'll bid adieu.
817(stage directions)52[They converse apart]
81852KATHARINEWhat, was your vizard made without a tongue?
81952LONGAVILLEI know the reason, lady, why you ask.
82052KATHARINEO for your reason! quickly, sir; I long.
82152LONGAVILLEYou have a double tongue within your mask, And would afford my speechless vizard half.
82252KATHARINEVeal, quoth the Dutchman. Is not 'veal' a calf?
82352LONGAVILLEA calf, fair lady!
82452KATHARINENo, a fair lord calf.
82552LONGAVILLELet's part the word.
82652KATHARINENo, I'll not be your half Take all, and wean it; it may prove an ox.
82752LONGAVILLELook, how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks! Will you give horns, chaste lady? do not so.
82852KATHARINEThen die a calf, before your horns do grow.
82952LONGAVILLEOne word in private with you, ere I die.
83052KATHARINEBleat softly then; the butcher hears you cry.
831(stage directions)52[They converse apart]
83252BOYETThe tongues of mocking wenches are as keen As is the razor's edge invisible, Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen, Above the sense of sense; so sensible Seemeth their conference; their conceits have wings Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things.
83352ROSALINENot one word more, my maids; break off, break off.
83452BIRONBy heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff!
83552FERDINANDFarewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits.
83652PRINCESSTwenty adieus, my frozen Muscovits. [Exeunt FERDINAND, Lords, and Blackamoors] Are these the breed of wits so wonder'd at?
83752BOYETTapers they are, with your sweet breaths puff'd out.
83852ROSALINEWell-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat.
83952PRINCESSO poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout! Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight? Or ever, but in vizards, show their faces? This pert Biron was out of countenance quite.
84052ROSALINEO, they were all in lamentable cases! The king was weeping-ripe for a good word.
84152PRINCESSBiron did swear himself out of all suit.
84252MARIADumain was at my service, and his sword: No point, quoth I; my servant straight was mute.
84352KATHARINELord Longaville said, I came o'er his heart; And trow you what he called me?
84452PRINCESSQualm, perhaps.
84552KATHARINEYes, in good faith.
84652PRINCESSGo, sickness as thou art!
84752ROSALINEWell, better wits have worn plain statute-caps. But will you hear? the king is my love sworn.
84852PRINCESSAnd quick Biron hath plighted faith to me.
84952KATHARINEAnd Longaville was for my service born.
85052MARIADumain is mine, as sure as bark on tree.
85152BOYETMadam, and pretty mistresses, give ear: Immediately they will again be here In their own shapes; for it can never be They will digest this harsh indignity.
85252PRINCESSWill they return?
85352BOYETThey will, they will, God knows, And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows: Therefore change favours; and, when they repair, Blow like sweet roses in this summer air.
85452PRINCESSHow blow? how blow? speak to be understood.
85552BOYETFair ladies mask'd are roses in their bud; Dismask'd, their damask sweet commixture shown, Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown.
85652PRINCESSAvaunt, perplexity! What shall we do, If they return in their own shapes to woo?
85752ROSALINEGood madam, if by me you'll be advised, Let's, mock them still, as well known as disguised: Let us complain to them what fools were here, Disguised like Muscovites, in shapeless gear; And wonder what they were and to what end Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penn'd And their rough carriage so ridiculous, Should be presented at our tent to us.
85852BOYETLadies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand.
85952PRINCESSWhip to our tents, as roes run o'er land. [Exeunt PRINCESS, ROSALINE, KATHARINE, and MARIA] [Re-enter FERDINAND, BIRON, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN,] in their proper habits]
86052FERDINANDFair sir, God save you! Where's the princess?
86152BOYETGone to her tent. Please it your majesty Command me any service to her thither?
86252FERDINANDThat she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
86352BOYETI will; and so will she, I know, my lord.
864(stage directions)52[Exit]
86552BIRONThis fellow pecks up wit as pigeons pease, And utters it again when God doth please: He is wit's pedler, and retails his wares At wakes and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs; And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know, Have not the grace to grace it with such show. This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve; Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve; A' can carve too, and lisp: why, this is he That kiss'd his hand away in courtesy; This is the ape of form, monsieur the nice, That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice In honourable terms: nay, he can sing A mean most meanly; and in ushering Mend him who can: the ladies call him sweet; The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet: This is the flower that smiles on every one, To show his teeth as white as whale's bone; And consciences, that will not die in debt, Pay him the due of honey-tongued Boyet.
86652FERDINANDA blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart, That put Armado's page out of his part!
86752BIRONSee where it comes! Behavior, what wert thou Till this madman show'd thee? and what art thou now? [Re-enter the PRINCESS, ushered by BOYET, ROSALINE,] MARIA, and KATHARINE]
86852FERDINANDAll hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!
86952PRINCESS'Fair' in 'all hail' is foul, as I conceive.
87052FERDINANDConstrue my speeches better, if you may.
87152PRINCESSThen wish me better; I will give you leave.
87252FERDINANDWe came to visit you, and purpose now To lead you to our court; vouchsafe it then.
87352PRINCESSThis field shall hold me; and so hold your vow: Nor God, nor I, delights in perjured men.
87452FERDINANDRebuke me not for that which you provoke: The virtue of your eye must break my oath.
87552PRINCESSYou nickname virtue; vice you should have spoke; For virtue's office never breaks men's troth. Now by my maiden honour, yet as pure As the unsullied lily, I protest, A world of torments though I should endure, I would not yield to be your house's guest; So much I hate a breaking cause to be Of heavenly oaths, vow'd with integrity.
87652FERDINANDO, you have lived in desolation here, Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.
87752PRINCESSNot so, my lord; it is not so, I swear; We have had pastimes here and pleasant game: A mess of Russians left us but of late.
87852FERDINANDHow, madam! Russians!
87952PRINCESSAy, in truth, my lord; Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.
88052ROSALINEMadam, speak true. It is not so, my lord: My lady, to the manner of the days, In courtesy gives undeserving praise. We four indeed confronted were with four In Russian habit: here they stay'd an hour, And talk'd apace; and in that hour, my lord, They did not bless us with one happy word. I dare not call them fools; but this I think, When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.
88152BIRONThis jest is dry to me. Fair gentle sweet, Your wit makes wise things foolish: when we greet, With eyes best seeing, heaven's fiery eye, By light we lose light: your capacity Is of that nature that to your huge store Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor.
88252ROSALINEThis proves you wise and rich, for in my eye,--
88352BIRONI am a fool, and full of poverty.
88452ROSALINEBut that you take what doth to you belong, It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.
88552BIRONO, I am yours, and all that I possess!
88652ROSALINEAll the fool mine?
88752BIRONI cannot give you less.
88852ROSALINEWhich of the vizards was it that you wore?
88952BIRONWhere? when? what vizard? why demand you this?
89052ROSALINEThere, then, that vizard; that superfluous case That hid the worse and show'd the better face.
89152FERDINANDWe are descried; they'll mock us now downright.
89252DUMAINLet us confess and turn it to a jest.
89352PRINCESSAmazed, my lord? why looks your highness sad?
89452ROSALINEHelp, hold his brows! he'll swoon! Why look you pale? Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy.
89552BIRONThus pour the stars down plagues for perjury. Can any face of brass hold longer out? Here stand I. lady, dart thy skill at me; Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout; Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance; Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit; And I will wish thee never more to dance, Nor never more in Russian habit wait. O, never will I trust to speeches penn'd, Nor to the motion of a schoolboy's tongue, Nor never come in vizard to my friend, Nor woo in rhyme, like a blind harper's song! Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise, Three-piled hyperboles, spruce affectation, Figures pedantical; these summer-flies Have blown me full of maggot ostentation: I do forswear them; and I here protest, By this white glove;--how white the hand, God knows!-- Henceforth my wooing mind shall be express'd In russet yeas and honest kersey noes: And, to begin, wench,--so God help me, la!-- My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw.
89652ROSALINESans sans, I pray you.
89752BIRONYet I have a trick Of the old rage: bear with me, I am sick; I'll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see: Write, 'Lord have mercy on us' on those three; They are infected; in their hearts it lies; They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes; These lords are visited; you are not free, For the Lord's tokens on you do I see.
89852PRINCESSNo, they are free that gave these tokens to us.
89952BIRONOur states are forfeit: seek not to undo us.
90052ROSALINEIt is not so; for how can this be true, That you stand forfeit, being those that sue?
90152BIRONPeace! for I will not have to do with you.
90252ROSALINENor shall not, if I do as I intend.
90352BIRONSpeak for yourselves; my wit is at an end.
90452FERDINANDTeach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression Some fair excuse.
90552PRINCESSThe fairest is confession. Were not you here but even now disguised?
90652FERDINANDMadam, I was.
90752PRINCESSAnd were you well advised?
90852FERDINANDI was, fair madam.
90952PRINCESSWhen you then were here, What did you whisper in your lady's ear?
91052FERDINANDThat more than all the world I did respect her.
91152PRINCESSWhen she shall challenge this, you will reject her.
91252FERDINANDUpon mine honour, no.
91352PRINCESSPeace, peace! forbear: Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.
91452FERDINANDDespise me, when I break this oath of mine.
91552PRINCESSI will: and therefore keep it. Rosaline, What did the Russian whisper in your ear?
91652ROSALINEMadam, he swore that he did hold me dear As precious eyesight, and did value me Above this world; adding thereto moreover That he would wed me, or else die my lover.
91752PRINCESSGod give thee joy of him! the noble lord Most honourably doth unhold his word.
91852FERDINANDWhat mean you, madam? by my life, my troth, I never swore this lady such an oath.
91952ROSALINEBy heaven, you did; and to confirm it plain, You gave me this: but take it, sir, again.
92052FERDINANDMy faith and this the princess I did give: I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.
92152PRINCESSPardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear; And Lord Biron, I thank him, is my dear. What, will you have me, or your pearl again?
92252BIRONNeither of either; I remit both twain. I see the trick on't: here was a consent, Knowing aforehand of our merriment, To dash it like a Christmas comedy: Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany, Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick, That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick To make my lady laugh when she's disposed, Told our intents before; which once disclosed, The ladies did change favours: and then we, Following the signs, woo'd but the sign of she. Now, to our perjury to add more terror, We are again forsworn, in will and error. Much upon this it is: and might not you [To BOYET] Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue? Do not you know my lady's foot by the squier, And laugh upon the apple of her eye? And stand between her back, sir, and the fire, Holding a trencher, jesting merrily? You put our page out: go, you are allow'd; Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud. You leer upon me, do you? there's an eye Wounds like a leaden sword.
92352BOYETFull merrily Hath this brave manage, this career, been run.
92452BIRONLo, he is tilting straight! Peace! I have done. [Enter COSTARD] Welcome, pure wit! thou partest a fair fray.
92552COSTARDO Lord, sir, they would know Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no.
92652BIRONWhat, are there but three?
92752COSTARDNo, sir; but it is vara fine, For every one pursents three.
92852BIRONAnd three times thrice is nine.
92952COSTARDNot so, sir; under correction, sir; I hope it is not so. You cannot beg us, sir, I can assure you, sir we know what we know: I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir,--
93052BIRONIs not nine.
93152COSTARDUnder correction, sir, we know whereuntil it doth amount.
93252BIRONBy Jove, I always took three threes for nine.
93352COSTARDO Lord, sir, it were pity you should get your living by reckoning, sir.
93452BIRONHow much is it?
93552COSTARDO Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors, sir, will show whereuntil it doth amount: for mine own part, I am, as they say, but to parfect one man in one poor man, Pompion the Great, sir.
93652BIRONArt thou one of the Worthies?
93752COSTARDIt pleased them to think me worthy of Pompion the Great: for mine own part, I know not the degree of the Worthy, but I am to stand for him.
93852BIRONGo, bid them prepare.
93952COSTARDWe will turn it finely off, sir; we will take some care.
940(stage directions)52[Exit]
94152FERDINANDBiron, they will shame us: let them not approach.
94252BIRONWe are shame-proof, my lord: and tis some policy To have one show worse than the king's and his company.
94352FERDINANDI say they shall not come.
94452PRINCESSNay, my good lord, let me o'errule you now: That sport best pleases that doth least know how: Where zeal strives to content, and the contents Dies in the zeal of that which it presents: Their form confounded makes most form in mirth, When great things labouring perish in their birth.
94552BIRONA right description of our sport, my lord.
946(stage directions)52[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO]
94752DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOAnointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal sweet breath as will utter a brace of words.
948(stage directions)52[Converses apart with FERDINAND, and delivers him a paper]
94952PRINCESSDoth this man serve God?
95052BIRONWhy ask you?
95152PRINCESSHe speaks not like a man of God's making.
95252DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThat is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for, I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding fantastical; too, too vain, too too vain: but we will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra. I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement!
953(stage directions)52[Exit]
95452FERDINANDHere is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He presents Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the Great; the parish curate, Alexander; Armado's page, Hercules; the pedant, Judas Maccabaeus: And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive, These four will change habits, and present the other five.
95552BIRONThere is five in the first show.
95652FERDINANDYou are deceived; 'tis not so.
95752BIRONThe pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool and the boy:-- Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.
95852FERDINANDThe ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.
959(stage directions)52[Enter COSTARD, for Pompey]
96052COSTARDI Pompey am,--
96152BOYETYou lie, you are not he.
96252COSTARDI Pompey am,--
96352BOYETWith libbard's head on knee.
96452BIRONWell said, old mocker: I must needs be friends with thee.
96552COSTARDI Pompey am, Pompey surnamed the Big--
96652DUMAINThe Great.
96752COSTARDIt is, 'Great,' sir:-- Pompey surnamed the Great; That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my foe to sweat: And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance, And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France, If your ladyship would say, 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had done.
96852PRINCESSGreat thanks, great Pompey.
96952COSTARD'Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect: I made a little fault in 'Great.'
97052BIRONMy hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the best Worthy.
971(stage directions)52[Enter SIR NATHANIEL, for Alexander]
97252SIR NATHANIELWhen in the world I lived, I was the world's commander; By east, west, north, and south, I spread my conquering might: My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander,--
97352BOYETYour nose says, no, you are not for it stands too right.
97452BIRONYour nose smells 'no' in this, most tender-smelling knight.
97552PRINCESSThe conqueror is dismay'd. Proceed, good Alexander.
97652SIR NATHANIELWhen in the world I lived, I was the world's commander,--
97752BOYETMost true, 'tis right; you were so, Alisander.
97852BIRONPompey the Great,--
97952COSTARDYour servant, and Costard.
98052BIRONTake away the conqueror, take away Alisander.
98152COSTARD[To SIR NATHANIEL] O, sir, you have overthrown Alisander the conqueror! You will be scraped out of the painted cloth for this: your lion, that holds his poll-axe sitting on a close-stool, will be given to Ajax: he will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror, and afeard to speak! run away for shame, Alisander. [SIR NATHANIEL retires] There, an't shall please you; a foolish mild man; an honest man, look you, and soon dashed. He is a marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good bowler: but, for Alisander,--alas, you see how 'tis,--a little o'erparted. But there are Worthies a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort.
982(stage directions)52[Enter HOLOFERNES, for Judas; and MOTH, for Hercules]
98352HOLOFERNESGreat Hercules is presented by this imp, Whose club kill'd Cerberus, that three-headed canis; And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp, Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus. Quoniam he seemeth in minority, Ergo I come with this apology. Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish. [MOTH retires] Judas I am,--
98452DUMAINA Judas!
98552HOLOFERNESNot Iscariot, sir. Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.
98652DUMAINJudas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.
98752BIRONA kissing traitor. How art thou proved Judas?
98852HOLOFERNESJudas I am,--
98952DUMAINThe more shame for you, Judas.
99052HOLOFERNESWhat mean you, sir?
99152BOYETTo make Judas hang himself.
99252HOLOFERNESBegin, sir; you are my elder.
99352BIRONWell followed: Judas was hanged on an elder.
99452HOLOFERNESI will not be put out of countenance.
99552BIRONBecause thou hast no face.
99652HOLOFERNESWhat is this?
99752BOYETA cittern-head.
99852DUMAINThe head of a bodkin.
99952BIRONA Death's face in a ring.
100052LONGAVILLEThe face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.
100152BOYETThe pommel of Caesar's falchion.
100252DUMAINThe carved-bone face on a flask.
100352BIRONSaint George's half-cheek in a brooch.
100452DUMAINAy, and in a brooch of lead.
100552BIRONAy, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer. And now forward; for we have put thee in countenance.
100652HOLOFERNESYou have put me out of countenance.
100752BIRONFalse; we have given thee faces.
100852HOLOFERNESBut you have out-faced them all.
100952BIRONAn thou wert a lion, we would do so.
101052BOYETTherefore, as he is an ass, let him go. And so adieu, sweet Jude! nay, why dost thou stay?
101152DUMAINFor the latter end of his name.
101252BIRONFor the ass to the Jude; give it him:--Jud-as, away!
101352HOLOFERNESThis is not generous, not gentle, not humble.
101452BOYETA light for Monsieur Judas! it grows dark, he may stumble.
1015(stage directions)52[HOLOFERNES retires]
101652PRINCESSAlas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!
1017(stage directions)52[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, for Hector]
101852BIRONHide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms.
101952DUMAINThough my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry.
102052FERDINANDHector was but a Troyan in respect of this.
102152BOYETBut is this Hector?
102252FERDINANDI think Hector was not so clean-timbered.
102352LONGAVILLEHis leg is too big for Hector's.
102452DUMAINMore calf, certain.
102552BOYETNo; he is best endued in the small.
102652BIRONThis cannot be Hector.
102752DUMAINHe's a god or a painter; for he makes faces.
102852DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThe armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty, Gave Hector a gift,--
102952DUMAINA gilt nutmeg.
103052BIRONA lemon.
103152LONGAVILLEStuck with cloves.
103252DUMAINNo, cloven.
103352DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOPeace!-- The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion; A man so breathed, that certain he would fight; yea From morn till night, out of his pavilion. I am that flower,--
103452DUMAINThat mint.
103552LONGAVILLEThat columbine.
103652DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue.
103752LONGAVILLEI must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector.
103852DUMAINAy, and Hector's a greyhound.
103952DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThe sweet war-man is dead and rotten; sweet chucks, beat not the bones of the buried: when he breathed, he was a man. But I will forward with my device. [To the PRINCESS] Sweet royalty, bestow on me the sense of hearing.
104052PRINCESSSpeak, brave Hector: we are much delighted.
104152DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI do adore thy sweet grace's slipper.
104252BOYET[Aside to DUMAIN] Loves her by the foot,--
104352DUMAIN[Aside to BOYET] He may not by the yard.
104452DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThis Hector far surmounted Hannibal,--
104552COSTARDThe party is gone, fellow Hector, she is gone; she is two months on her way.
104652DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWhat meanest thou?
104752COSTARDFaith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the poor wench is cast away: she's quick; the child brags in her belly already: tis yours.
104852DON ADRIANO DE ARMADODost thou infamonize me among potentates? thou shalt die.
104952COSTARDThen shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta that is quick by him and hanged for Pompey that is dead by him.
105052DUMAINMost rare Pompey!
105152BOYETRenowned Pompey!
105252BIRONGreater than great, great, great, great Pompey! Pompey the Huge!
105352DUMAINHector trembles.
105452BIRONPompey is moved. More Ates, more Ates! stir them on! stir them on!
105552DUMAINHector will challenge him.
105652BIRONAy, if a' have no man's blood in's belly than will sup a flea.
105752DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOBy the north pole, I do challenge thee.
105852COSTARDI will not fight with a pole, like a northern man: I'll slash; I'll do it by the sword. I bepray you, let me borrow my arms again.
105952DUMAINRoom for the incensed Worthies!
106052COSTARDI'll do it in my shirt.
106152DUMAINMost resolute Pompey!
106252MOTHMaster, let me take you a buttonhole lower. Do you not see Pompey is uncasing for the combat? What mean you? You will lose your reputation.
106352DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOGentlemen and soldiers, pardon me; I will not combat in my shirt.
106452DUMAINYou may not deny it: Pompey hath made the challenge.
106552DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSweet bloods, I both may and will.
106652BIRONWhat reason have you for't?
106752DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThe naked truth of it is, I have no shirt; I go woolward for penance.
106852BOYETTrue, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want of linen: since when, I'll be sworn, he wore none but a dishclout of Jaquenetta's, and that a' wears next his heart for a favour.
1069(stage directions)52[Enter MERCADE]
107052MERCADEGod save you, madam!
107152PRINCESSWelcome, Mercade; But that thou interrupt'st our merriment.
107252MERCADEI am sorry, madam; for the news I bring Is heavy in my tongue. The king your father--
107352PRINCESSDead, for my life!
107452MERCADEEven so; my tale is told.
107552BIRONWorthies, away! the scene begins to cloud.
107652DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOFor mine own part, I breathe free breath. I have seen the day of wrong through the little hole of discretion, and I will right myself like a soldier.
1077(stage directions)52[Exeunt Worthies]
107852FERDINANDHow fares your majesty?
107952PRINCESSBoyet, prepare; I will away tonight.
108052FERDINANDMadam, not so; I do beseech you, stay.
108152PRINCESSPrepare, I say. I thank you, gracious lords, For all your fair endeavors; and entreat, Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide The liberal opposition of our spirits, If over-boldly we have borne ourselves In the converse of breath: your gentleness Was guilty of it. Farewell worthy lord! A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue: Excuse me so, coming too short of thanks For my great suit so easily obtain'd.
108252FERDINANDThe extreme parts of time extremely forms All causes to the purpose of his speed, And often at his very loose decides That which long process could not arbitrate: And though the mourning brow of progeny Forbid the smiling courtesy of love The holy suit which fain it would convince, Yet, since love's argument was first on foot, Let not the cloud of sorrow justle it From what it purposed; since, to wail friends lost Is not by much so wholesome-profitable As to rejoice at friends but newly found.PRINCESS. I understand you not: my griefs are double.
108352BIRONHonest plain words best pierce the ear of grief; And by these badges understand the king. For your fair sakes have we neglected time, Play'd foul play with our oaths: your beauty, ladies, Hath much deform'd us, fashioning our humours Even to the opposed end of our intents: And what in us hath seem'd ridiculous,-- As love is full of unbefitting strains, All wanton as a child, skipping and vain, Form'd by the eye and therefore, like the eye, Full of strange shapes, of habits and of forms, Varying in subjects as the eye doth roll To every varied object in his glance: Which parti-coated presence of loose love Put on by us, if, in your heavenly eyes, Have misbecomed our oaths and gravities, Those heavenly eyes, that look into these faults, Suggested us to make. Therefore, ladies, Our love being yours, the error that love makes Is likewise yours: we to ourselves prove false, By being once false for ever to be true To those that make us both,--fair ladies, you: And even that falsehood, in itself a sin, Thus purifies itself and turns to grace.
108452PRINCESSWe have received your letters full of love; Your favours, the ambassadors of love; And, in our maiden council, rated them At courtship, pleasant jest and courtesy, As bombast and as lining to the time: But more devout than this in our respects Have we not been; and therefore met your loves In their own fashion, like a merriment.
108552DUMAINOur letters, madam, show'd much more than jest.
108652LONGAVILLESo did our looks.
108752ROSALINEWe did not quote them so.
108852FERDINANDNow, at the latest minute of the hour, Grant us your loves.
108952PRINCESSA time, methinks, too short To make a world-without-end bargain in. No, no, my lord, your grace is perjured much, Full of dear guiltiness; and therefore this: If for my love, as there is no such cause, You will do aught, this shall you do for me: Your oath I will not trust; but go with speed To some forlorn and naked hermitage, Remote from all the pleasures of the world; There stay until the twelve celestial signs Have brought about the annual reckoning. If this austere insociable life Change not your offer made in heat of blood; If frosts and fasts, hard lodging and thin weeds Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love, But that it bear this trial and last love; Then, at the expiration of the year, Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts, And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine I will be thine; and till that instant shut My woeful self up in a mourning house, Raining the tears of lamentation For the remembrance of my father's death. If this thou do deny, let our hands part, Neither entitled in the other's heart.
109052FERDINANDIf this, or more than this, I would deny, To flatter up these powers of mine with rest, The sudden hand of death close up mine eye! Hence ever then my heart is in thy breast.
109152BIRON[And what to me, my love? and what to me?
109252ROSALINEYou must be purged too, your sins are rack'd, You are attaint with faults and perjury: Therefore if you my favour mean to get, A twelvemonth shall you spend, and never rest, But seek the weary beds of people sick]
109352DUMAINBut what to me, my love? but what to me? A wife?
109452KATHARINEA beard, fair health, and honesty; With three-fold love I wish you all these three.
109552DUMAINO, shall I say, I thank you, gentle wife?
109652KATHARINENot so, my lord; a twelvemonth and a day I'll mark no words that smooth-faced wooers say: Come when the king doth to my lady come; Then, if I have much love, I'll give you some.
109752DUMAINI'll serve thee true and faithfully till then.
109852KATHARINEYet swear not, lest ye be forsworn again.
109952LONGAVILLEWhat says Maria?
110052MARIAAt the twelvemonth's end I'll change my black gown for a faithful friend.
110152LONGAVILLEI'll stay with patience; but the time is long.
110252MARIAThe liker you; few taller are so young.
110352BIRONStudies my lady? mistress, look on me; Behold the window of my heart, mine eye, What humble suit attends thy answer there: Impose some service on me for thy love.
110452ROSALINEOft have I heard of you, my Lord Biron, Before I saw you; and the world's large tongue Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks, Full of comparisons and wounding flouts, Which you on all estates will execute That lie within the mercy of your wit. To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain, And therewithal to win me, if you please, Without the which I am not to be won, You shall this twelvemonth term from day to day Visit the speechless sick and still converse With groaning wretches; and your task shall be, With all the fierce endeavor of your wit To enforce the pained impotent to smile.
110552BIRONTo move wild laughter in the throat of death? It cannot be; it is impossible: Mirth cannot move a soul in agony.
110652ROSALINEWhy, that's the way to choke a gibing spirit, Whose influence is begot of that loose grace Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools: A jest's prosperity lies in the ear Of him that hears it, never in the tongue Of him that makes it: then, if sickly ears, Deaf'd with the clamours of their own dear groans, Will hear your idle scorns, continue then, And I will have you and that fault withal; But if they will not, throw away that spirit, And I shall find you empty of that fault, Right joyful of your reformation.
110752BIRONA twelvemonth! well; befall what will befall, I'll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital.
110852PRINCESS[To FERDINAND] Ay, sweet my lord; and so I take my leave.
110952FERDINANDNo, madam; we will bring you on your way.
111052BIRONOur wooing doth not end like an old play; Jack hath not Jill: these ladies' courtesy Might well have made our sport a comedy.
111152FERDINANDCome, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day, And then 'twill end.
111252BIRONThat's too long for a play.
1113(stage directions)52[Re-enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO]
111452DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOSweet majesty, vouchsafe me,--
111552PRINCESSWas not that Hector?
111652DUMAINThe worthy knight of Troy.
111752DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOI will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I am a votary; I have vowed to Jaquenetta to hold the plough for her sweet love three years. But, most esteemed greatness, will you hear the dialogue that the two learned men have compiled in praise of the owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the end of our show.
111852FERDINANDCall them forth quickly; we will do so.
111952DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOHolla! approach. [Re-enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, MOTH, COSTARD,] and others] This side is Hiems, Winter, this Ver, the Spring; the one maintained by the owl, the other by the cuckoo. Ver, begin. [THE SONG] SPRING. When daisies pied and violets blue And lady-smocks all silver-white And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue Do paint the meadows with delight, The cuckoo then, on every tree, Mocks married men; for thus sings he, . Cuckoo; Cuckoo, cuckoo: O word of fear, Unpleasing to a married ear! When shepherds pipe on oaten straws And merry larks are ploughmen's clocks, When turtles tread, and rooks, and daws, And maidens bleach their summer smocks The cuckoo then, on every tree, Mocks married men; for thus sings he, . Cuckoo; Cuckoo, cuckoo: O word of fear, Unpleasing to a married ear! WINTER. When icicles hang by the wall And Dick the shepherd blows his nail And Tom bears logs into the hall And milk comes frozen home in pail, When blood is nipp'd and ways be foul, Then nightly sings the staring owl, . Tu-whit; Tu-who, a merry note, While greasy Joan doth keel the pot. When all aloud the wind doth blow And coughing drowns the parson's saw And birds sit brooding in the snow And Marian's nose looks red and raw, When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl, Then nightly sings the staring owl, . Tu-whit; Tu-who, a merry note, While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
112052DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOThe words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo. You that way: we this way.
1121(stage directions)52[Exeunt]

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