The Comedy of Errors

A comedy written in 1589 by William Shakespeare

ORDERSTAGEACTSCENECHARACTERLINE
111AEGEONProceed, Solinus, to procure my fall And by the doom of death end woes and all.
211DUKE SOLINUSMerchant of Syracuse, plead no more; I am not partial to infringe our laws: The enmity and discord which of late Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen, Who wanting guilders to redeem their lives Have seal'd his rigorous statutes with their bloods, Excludes all pity from our threatening looks. For, since the mortal and intestine jars 'Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us, It hath in solemn synods been decreed Both by the Syracusians and ourselves, To admit no traffic to our adverse towns Nay, more, If any born at Ephesus be seen At any Syracusian marts and fairs; Again: if any Syracusian born Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies, His goods confiscate to the duke's dispose, Unless a thousand marks be levied, To quit the penalty and to ransom him. Thy substance, valued at the highest rate, Cannot amount unto a hundred marks; Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.
311AEGEONYet this my comfort: when your words are done, My woes end likewise with the evening sun.
411DUKE SOLINUSWell, Syracusian, say in brief the cause Why thou departed'st from thy native home And for what cause thou camest to Ephesus.
511AEGEONA heavier task could not have been imposed Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable: Yet, that the world may witness that my end Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence, I'll utter what my sorrows give me leave. In Syracusa was I born, and wed Unto a woman, happy but for me, And by me, had not our hap been bad. With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased By prosperous voyages I often made To Epidamnum; till my factor's death And the great care of goods at random left Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse: From whom my absence was not six months old Before herself, almost at fainting under The pleasing punishment that women bear, Had made provision for her following me And soon and safe arrived where I was. There had she not been long, but she became A joyful mother of two goodly sons; And, which was strange, the one so like the other, As could not be distinguish'd but by names. That very hour, and in the self-same inn, A meaner woman was delivered Of such a burden, male twins, both alike: Those,--for their parents were exceeding poor,-- I bought and brought up to attend my sons. My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys, Made daily motions for our home return: Unwilling I agreed. Alas! too soon, We came aboard. A league from Epidamnum had we sail'd, Before the always wind-obeying deep Gave any tragic instance of our harm: But longer did we not retain much hope; For what obscured light the heavens did grant Did but convey unto our fearful minds A doubtful warrant of immediate death; Which though myself would gladly have embraced, Yet the incessant weepings of my wife, Weeping before for what she saw must come, And piteous plainings of the pretty babes, That mourn'd for fashion, ignorant what to fear, Forced me to seek delays for them and me. And this it was, for other means was none: The sailors sought for safety by our boat, And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us: My wife, more careful for the latter-born, Had fasten'd him unto a small spare mast, Such as seafaring men provide for storms; To him one of the other twins was bound, Whilst I had been like heedful of the other: The children thus disposed, my wife and I, Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fix'd, Fasten'd ourselves at either end the mast; And floating straight, obedient to the stream, Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought. At length the sun, gazing upon the earth, Dispersed those vapours that offended us; And by the benefit of his wished light, The seas wax'd calm, and we discovered Two ships from far making amain to us, Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this: But ere they came,--O, let me say no more! Gather the sequel by that went before.
611DUKE SOLINUSNay, forward, old man; do not break off so; For we may pity, though not pardon thee.
711AEGEONO, had the gods done so, I had not now Worthily term'd them merciless to us! For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues, We were encounterd by a mighty rock; Which being violently borne upon, Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst; So that, in this unjust divorce of us, Fortune had left to both of us alike What to delight in, what to sorrow for. Her part, poor soul! seeming as burdened With lesser weight but not with lesser woe, Was carried with more speed before the wind; And in our sight they three were taken up By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought. At length, another ship had seized on us; And, knowing whom it was their hap to save, Gave healthful welcome to their shipwreck'd guests; And would have reft the fishers of their prey, Had not their bark been very slow of sail; And therefore homeward did they bend their course. Thus have you heard me sever'd from my bliss; That by misfortunes was my life prolong'd, To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.
811DUKE SOLINUSAnd for the sake of them thou sorrowest for, Do me the favour to dilate at full What hath befall'n of them and thee till now.
911AEGEONMy youngest boy, and yet my eldest care, At eighteen years became inquisitive After his brother: and importuned me That his attendant--so his case was like, Reft of his brother, but retain'd his name-- Might bear him company in the quest of him: Whom whilst I labour'd of a love to see, I hazarded the loss of whom I loved. Five summers have I spent in furthest Greece, Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia, And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus; Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought Or that or any place that harbours men. But here must end the story of my life; And happy were I in my timely death, Could all my travels warrant me they live.
1011DUKE SOLINUSHapless AEgeon, whom the fates have mark'd To bear the extremity of dire mishap! Now, trust me, were it not against our laws, Against my crown, my oath, my dignity, Which princes, would they, may not disannul, My soul would sue as advocate for thee. But, though thou art adjudged to the death And passed sentence may not be recall'd But to our honour's great disparagement, Yet I will favour thee in what I can. Therefore, merchant, I'll limit thee this day To seek thy life by beneficial help: Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus; Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum, And live; if no, then thou art doom'd to die. Gaoler, take him to thy custody.
1111GAOLERI will, my lord.
1211AEGEONHopeless and helpless doth AEgeon wend, But to procrastinate his lifeless end.
13(stage directions)11[Exeunt] [Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse, DROMIO of Syracuse,] and First Merchant]
1412FIRST MERCHANTTherefore give out you are of Epidamnum, Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate. This very day a Syracusian merchant Is apprehended for arrival here; And not being able to buy out his life According to the statute of the town, Dies ere the weary sun set in the west. There is your money that I had to keep.
1512ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEGo bear it to the Centaur, where we host, And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee. Within this hour it will be dinner-time: Till that, I'll view the manners of the town, Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings, And then return and sleep within mine inn, For with long travel I am stiff and weary. Get thee away.
1612DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMany a man would take you at your word, And go indeed, having so good a mean.
17(stage directions)12[Exit]
1812ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEA trusty villain, sir, that very oft, When I am dull with care and melancholy, Lightens my humour with his merry jests. What, will you walk with me about the town, And then go to my inn and dine with me?
1912FIRST MERCHANTI am invited, sir, to certain merchants, Of whom I hope to make much benefit; I crave your pardon. Soon at five o'clock, Please you, I'll meet with you upon the mart And afterward consort you till bed-time: My present business calls me from you now.
2012ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEFarewell till then: I will go lose myself And wander up and down to view the city.
2112FIRST MERCHANTSir, I commend you to your own content.
22(stage directions)12[Exit]
2312ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEHe that commends me to mine own content Commends me to the thing I cannot get. I to the world am like a drop of water That in the ocean seeks another drop, Who, falling there to find his fellow forth, Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself: So I, to find a mother and a brother, In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself. [Enter DROMIO of Ephesus] Here comes the almanac of my true date. What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?
2412DROMIO OF EPHESUSReturn'd so soon! rather approach'd too late: The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit, The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell; My mistress made it one upon my cheek: She is so hot because the meat is cold; The meat is cold because you come not home; You come not home because you have no stomach; You have no stomach having broke your fast; But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray Are penitent for your default to-day.
2512ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEStop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray: Where have you left the money that I gave you?
2612DROMIO OF EPHESUSO,--sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday last To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper? The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
2712ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI am not in a sportive humour now: Tell me, and dally not, where is the money? We being strangers here, how darest thou trust So great a charge from thine own custody?
2812DROMIO OF EPHESUSI pray you, air, as you sit at dinner: I from my mistress come to you in post; If I return, I shall be post indeed, For she will score your fault upon my pate. Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock, And strike you home without a messenger.
2912ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSECome, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season; Reserve them till a merrier hour than this. Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
3012DROMIO OF EPHESUSTo me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.
3112ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSECome on, sir knave, have done your foolishness, And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
3212DROMIO OF EPHESUSMy charge was but to fetch you from the mart Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner: My mistress and her sister stays for you.
3312ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEIn what safe place you have bestow'd my money, Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours That stands on tricks when I am undisposed: Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
3412DROMIO OF EPHESUSI have some marks of yours upon my pate, Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders, But not a thousand marks between you both. If I should pay your worship those again, Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
3512ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?
3612DROMIO OF EPHESUSYour worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix; She that doth fast till you come home to dinner, And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.
3712ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face, Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.
3812DROMIO OF EPHESUSWhat mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands! Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.
39(stage directions)12[Exit]
4012ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEUpon my life, by some device or other The villain is o'er-raught of all my money. They say this town is full of cozenage, As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye, Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind, Soul-killing witches that deform the body, Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks, And many such-like liberties of sin: If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner. I'll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave: I greatly fear my money is not safe.
41(stage directions)12[Exit]
42(stage directions)21[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA]
4321ADRIANANeither my husband nor the slave return'd, That in such haste I sent to seek his master! Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.
4421LUCIANAPerhaps some merchant hath invited him, And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner. Good sister, let us dine and never fret: A man is master of his liberty: Time is their master, and, when they see time, They'll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.
4521ADRIANAWhy should their liberty than ours be more?
4621LUCIANABecause their business still lies out o' door.
4721ADRIANALook, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
4821LUCIANAO, know he is the bridle of your will.
4921ADRIANAThere's none but asses will be bridled so.
5021LUCIANAWhy, headstrong liberty is lash'd with woe. There's nothing situate under heaven's eye But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky: The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls, Are their males' subjects and at their controls: Men, more divine, the masters of all these, Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas, Indued with intellectual sense and souls, Of more preeminence than fish and fowls, Are masters to their females, and their lords: Then let your will attend on their accords.
5121ADRIANAThis servitude makes you to keep unwed.
5221LUCIANANot this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.
5321ADRIANABut, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
5421LUCIANAEre I learn love, I'll practise to obey.
5521ADRIANAHow if your husband start some other where?
5621LUCIANATill he come home again, I would forbear.
5721ADRIANAPatience unmoved! no marvel though she pause; They can be meek that have no other cause. A wretched soul, bruised with adversity, We bid be quiet when we hear it cry; But were we burdened with like weight of pain, As much or more would we ourselves complain: So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee, With urging helpless patience wouldst relieve me, But, if thou live to see like right bereft, This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left.
5821LUCIANAWell, I will marry one day, but to try. Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.
59(stage directions)21[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus]
6021ADRIANASay, is your tardy master now at hand?
6121DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.
6221ADRIANASay, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?
6321DROMIO OF EPHESUSAy, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear: Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
6421LUCIANASpake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?
6521DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce understand them.
6621ADRIANABut say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
6721DROMIO OF EPHESUSWhy, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
6821ADRIANAHorn-mad, thou villain!
6921DROMIO OF EPHESUSI mean not cuckold-mad; But, sure, he is stark mad. When I desired him to come home to dinner, He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold: ''Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he; 'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he: 'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he. 'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?' 'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he: 'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress! I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'
7021LUCIANAQuoth who?
7121DROMIO OF EPHESUSQuoth my master: 'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.' So that my errand, due unto my tongue, I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders; For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
7221ADRIANAGo back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
7321DROMIO OF EPHESUSGo back again, and be new beaten home? For God's sake, send some other messenger.
7421ADRIANABack, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
7521DROMIO OF EPHESUSAnd he will bless that cross with other beating: Between you I shall have a holy head.
7621ADRIANAHence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.
7721DROMIO OF EPHESUSAm I so round with you as you with me, That like a football you do spurn me thus? You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither: If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
78(stage directions)21[Exit]
7921LUCIANAFie, how impatience loureth in your face!
8021ADRIANAHis company must do his minions grace, Whilst I at home starve for a merry look. Hath homely age the alluring beauty took From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it: Are my discourses dull? barren my wit? If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd, Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard: Do their gay vestments his affections bait? That's not my fault: he's master of my state: What ruins are in me that can be found, By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground Of my defeatures. My decayed fair A sunny look of his would soon repair But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.
8121LUCIANASelf-harming jealousy! fie, beat it hence!
8221ADRIANAUnfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense. I know his eye doth homage otherwhere, Or else what lets it but he would be here? Sister, you know he promised me a chain; Would that alone, alone he would detain, So he would keep fair quarter with his bed! I see the jewel best enamelled Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still, That others touch, and often touching will Wear gold: and no man that hath a name, By falsehood and corruption doth it shame. Since that my beauty cannot please his eye, I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.
8321LUCIANAHow many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
84(stage directions)21[Exeunt]
85(stage directions)22[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]
8622ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThe gold I gave to Dromio is laid up Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out By computation and mine host's report. I could not speak with Dromio since at first I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes. [Enter DROMIO of Syracuse] How now sir! is your merry humour alter'd? As you love strokes, so jest with me again. You know no Centaur? you received no gold? Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner? My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad, That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
8722DROMIO OF SYRACUSEWhat answer, sir? when spake I such a word?
8822ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEEven now, even here, not half an hour since.
8922DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI did not see you since you sent me hence, Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.
9022ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEVillain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt, And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner; For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeased.
9122DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI am glad to see you in this merry vein: What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.
9222ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEYea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth? Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.
93(stage directions)22[Beating him]
9422DROMIO OF SYRACUSEHold, sir, for God's sake! now your jest is earnest: Upon what bargain do you give it me?
9522ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEBecause that I familiarly sometimes Do use you for my fool and chat with you, Your sauciness will jest upon my love And make a common of my serious hours. When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport, But creep in crannies when he hides his beams. If you will jest with me, know my aspect, And fashion your demeanor to my looks, Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
9622DROMIO OF SYRACUSESconce call you it? so you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head: an you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head and ensconce it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But, I pray, sir why am I beaten?
9722ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEDost thou not know?
9822DROMIO OF SYRACUSENothing, sir, but that I am beaten.
9922ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEShall I tell you why?
10022DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAy, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath a wherefore.
10122ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, first,--for flouting me; and then, wherefore-- For urging it the second time to me.
10222DROMIO OF SYRACUSEWas there ever any man thus beaten out of season, When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme nor reason? Well, sir, I thank you.
10322ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThank me, sir, for what?
10422DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
10522ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?
10622DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo, sir; I think the meat wants that I have.
10722ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEIn good time, sir; what's that?
10822DROMIO OF SYRACUSEBasting.
10922ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWell, sir, then 'twill be dry.
11022DROMIO OF SYRACUSEIf it be, sir, I pray you, eat none of it.
11122ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEYour reason?
11222DROMIO OF SYRACUSELest it make you choleric and purchase me another dry basting.
11322ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWell, sir, learn to jest in good time: there's a time for all things.
11422DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI durst have denied that, before you were so choleric.
11522ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEBy what rule, sir?
11622DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of father Time himself.
11722ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSELet's hear it.
11822DROMIO OF SYRACUSEThere's no time for a man to recover his hair that grows bald by nature.
11922ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEMay he not do it by fine and recovery?
12022DROMIO OF SYRACUSEYes, to pay a fine for a periwig and recover the lost hair of another man.
12122ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
12222DROMIO OF SYRACUSEBecause it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts; and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit.
12322ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.
12422DROMIO OF SYRACUSENot a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
12522ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
12622DROMIO OF SYRACUSEThe plainer dealer, the sooner lost: yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.
12722ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEFor what reason?
12822DROMIO OF SYRACUSEFor two; and sound ones too.
12922ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENay, not sound, I pray you.
13022DROMIO OF SYRACUSESure ones, then.
13122ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENay, not sure, in a thing falsing.
13222DROMIO OF SYRACUSECertain ones then.
13322ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEName them.
13422DROMIO OF SYRACUSEThe one, to save the money that he spends in trimming; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.
13522ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEYou would all this time have proved there is no time for all things.
13622DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, and did, sir; namely, no time to recover hair lost by nature.
13722ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEBut your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover.
13822DROMIO OF SYRACUSEThus I mend it: Time himself is bald and therefore to the world's end will have bald followers.
13922ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI knew 'twould be a bald conclusion: But, soft! who wafts us yonder?
140(stage directions)22[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA]
14122ADRIANAAy, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown: Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects; I am not Adriana nor thy wife. The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow That never words were music to thine ear, That never object pleasing in thine eye, That never touch well welcome to thy hand, That never meat sweet-savor'd in thy taste, Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carved to thee. How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it, That thou art thus estranged from thyself? Thyself I call it, being strange to me, That, undividable, incorporate, Am better than thy dear self's better part. Ah, do not tear away thyself from me! For know, my love, as easy mayest thou fall A drop of water in the breaking gulf, And take unmingled that same drop again, Without addition or diminishing, As take from me thyself and not me too. How dearly would it touch me to the quick, Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious And that this body, consecrate to thee, By ruffian lust should be contaminate! Wouldst thou not spit at me and spurn at me And hurl the name of husband in my face And tear the stain'd skin off my harlot-brow And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? I know thou canst; and therefore see thou do it. I am possess'd with an adulterate blot; My blood is mingled with the crime of lust: For if we too be one and thou play false, I do digest the poison of thy flesh, Being strumpeted by thy contagion. Keep then far league and truce with thy true bed; I live unstain'd, thou undishonoured.
14222ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEPlead you to me, fair dame? I know you not: In Ephesus I am but two hours old, As strange unto your town as to your talk; Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd, Want wit in all one word to understand.
14322LUCIANAFie, brother! how the world is changed with you! When were you wont to use my sister thus? She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
14422ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEBy Dromio?
14522DROMIO OF SYRACUSEBy me?
14622ADRIANABy thee; and this thou didst return from him, That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows, Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
14722ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEDid you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman? What is the course and drift of your compact?
14822DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI, sir? I never saw her till this time.
14922ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEVillain, thou liest; for even her very words Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
15022DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI never spake with her in all my life.
15122ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEHow can she thus then call us by our names, Unless it be by inspiration.
15222ADRIANAHow ill agrees it with your gravity To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave, Abetting him to thwart me in my mood! Be it my wrong you are from me exempt, But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine: Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine, Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state, Makes me with thy strength to communicate: If aught possess thee from me, it is dross, Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss; Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.
15322ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSETo me she speaks; she moves me for her theme: What, was I married to her in my dream? Or sleep I now and think I hear all this? What error drives our eyes and ears amiss? Until I know this sure uncertainty, I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.
15422LUCIANADromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
15522DROMIO OF SYRACUSEO, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. This is the fairy land: O spite of spites! We talk with goblins, owls and sprites: If we obey them not, this will ensue, They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.
15622LUCIANAWhy pratest thou to thyself and answer'st not? Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!
15722DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI am transformed, master, am I not?
15822ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI think thou art in mind, and so am I.
15922DROMIO OF SYRACUSENay, master, both in mind and in my shape.
16022ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThou hast thine own form.
16122DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo, I am an ape.
16222LUCIANAIf thou art changed to aught, 'tis to an ass.
16322DROMIO OF SYRACUSE'Tis true; she rides me and I long for grass. 'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be But I should know her as well as she knows me.
16422ADRIANACome, come, no longer will I be a fool, To put the finger in the eye and weep, Whilst man and master laugh my woes to scorn. Come, sir, to dinner. Dromio, keep the gate. Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks. Sirrah, if any ask you for your master, Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter. Come, sister. Dromio, play the porter well.
16522ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAm I in earth, in heaven, or in hell? Sleeping or waking? mad or well-advised? Known unto these, and to myself disguised! I'll say as they say and persever so, And in this mist at all adventures go.
16622DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, shall I be porter at the gate?
16722ADRIANAAy; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
16822LUCIANACome, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
169(stage directions)22[Exeunt] [Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus,] ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR]
17031ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSGood Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours: Say that I linger'd with you at your shop To see the making of her carcanet, And that to-morrow you will bring it home. But here's a villain that would face me down He met me on the mart, and that I beat him, And charged him with a thousand marks in gold, And that I did deny my wife and house. Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
17131DROMIO OF EPHESUSSay what you will, sir, but I know what I know; That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show: If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
17231ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI think thou art an ass.
17331DROMIO OF EPHESUSMarry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
17431ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer May answer my good will and your good welcome here.
17531BALTHAZARI hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
17631ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSO, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.
17731BALTHAZARGood meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
17831ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.
17931BALTHAZARSmall cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
18031ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAy, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest: But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in.
18131DROMIO OF EPHESUSMaud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!
18231DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store, When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
18331DROMIO OF EPHESUSWhat patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
18431DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet.
18531ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWho talks within there? ho, open the door!
18631DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tell me wherefore.
18731ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.
18831DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you may.
18931ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWhat art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?
19031DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
19131DROMIO OF EPHESUSO villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name. The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name or thy name for an ass.
19231LUCE[Within] What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those at the gate?
19331DROMIO OF EPHESUSLet my master in, Luce.
19431LUCE[Within] Faith, no; he comes too late; And so tell your master.
19531DROMIO OF EPHESUSO Lord, I must laugh! Have at you with a proverb--Shall I set in my staff?
19631LUCE[Within] Have at you with another; that's--When? can you tell?
19731DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] If thy name be call'd Luce--Luce, thou hast answered him well.
19831ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDo you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope?
19931LUCE[Within] I thought to have asked you.
20031DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] And you said no.
20131DROMIO OF EPHESUSSo, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow.
20231ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou baggage, let me in.
20331LUCE[Within] Can you tell for whose sake?
20431DROMIO OF EPHESUSMaster, knock the door hard.
20531LUCE[Within] Let him knock till it ache.
20631ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
20731LUCE[Within] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
20831ADRIANA[Within] Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
20931DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
21031ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAre you there, wife? you might have come before.
21131ADRIANA[Within] Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.
21231DROMIO OF EPHESUSIf you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore.
21331ANGELOHere is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would fain have either.
21431BALTHAZARIn debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
21531DROMIO OF EPHESUSThey stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.
21631ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThere is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
21731DROMIO OF EPHESUSYou would say so, master, if your garments were thin. Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold: It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.
21831ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSGo fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.
21931DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] Break any breaking here, and I'll break your knave's pate.
22031DROMIO OF EPHESUSA man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind, Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
22131DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] It seems thou want'st breaking: out upon thee, hind!
22231DROMIO OF EPHESUSHere's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee, let me in.
22331DROMIO OF SYRACUSE[Within] Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.
22431ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWell, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow.
22531DROMIO OF EPHESUSA crow without feather? Master, mean you so? For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather; If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.
22631ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSGo get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.
22731BALTHAZARHave patience, sir; O, let it not be so! Herein you war against your reputation And draw within the compass of suspect The unviolated honour of your wife. Once this,--your long experience of her wisdom, Her sober virtue, years and modesty, Plead on her part some cause to you unknown: And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Why at this time the doors are made against you. Be ruled by me: depart in patience, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, And about evening come yourself alone To know the reason of this strange restraint. If by strong hand you offer to break in Now in the stirring passage of the day, A vulgar comment will be made of it, And that supposed by the common rout Against your yet ungalled estimation That may with foul intrusion enter in And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; For slander lives upon succession, For ever housed where it gets possession.
22831ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou have prevailed: I will depart in quiet, And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry. I know a wench of excellent discourse, Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle: There will we dine. This woman that I mean, My wife--but, I protest, without desert-- Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal: To her will we to dinner. [To Angelo] Get you home And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made: Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine; For there's the house: that chain will I bestow-- Be it for nothing but to spite my wife-- Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste. Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
22931ANGELOI'll meet you at that place some hour hence.
23031ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDo so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
231(stage directions)31[Exeunt]
232(stage directions)32[Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]
23332LUCIANAAnd may it be that you have quite forgot A husband's office? shall, Antipholus. Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot? Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous? If you did wed my sister for her wealth, Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness: Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth; Muffle your false love with some show of blindness: Let not my sister read it in your eye; Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator; Look sweet, be fair, become disloyalty; Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger; Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted; Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint; Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted? What simple thief brags of his own attaint? 'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed And let her read it in thy looks at board: Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed; Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word. Alas, poor women! make us but believe, Being compact of credit, that you love us; Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve; We in your motion turn and you may move us. Then, gentle brother, get you in again; Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: 'Tis holy sport to be a little vain, When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
23432ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSESweet mistress--what your name is else, I know not, Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,-- Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine. Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak; Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit, Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak, The folded meaning of your words' deceit. Against my soul's pure truth why labour you To make it wander in an unknown field? Are you a god? would you create me new? Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield. But if that I am I, then well I know Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, Nor to her bed no homage do I owe Far more, far more to you do I decline. O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note, To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears: Sing, siren, for thyself and I will dote: Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, And as a bed I'll take them and there lie, And in that glorious supposition think He gains by death that hath such means to die: Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink!
23532LUCIANAWhat, are you mad, that you do reason so?
23632ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENot mad, but mated; how, I do not know.
23732LUCIANAIt is a fault that springeth from your eye.
23832ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEFor gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.
23932LUCIANAGaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.
24032ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAs good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.
24132LUCIANAWhy call you me love? call my sister so.
24232ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThy sister's sister.
24332LUCIANAThat's my sister.
24432ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENo; It is thyself, mine own self's better part, Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart, My food, my fortune and my sweet hope's aim, My sole earth's heaven and my heaven's claim.
24532LUCIANAAll this my sister is, or else should be.
24632ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSECall thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee. Thee will I love and with thee lead my life: Thou hast no husband yet nor I no wife. Give me thy hand.
24732LUCIANAO, soft, air! hold you still: I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will.
248(stage directions)32[Exit]
249(stage directions)32[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]
25032ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?
25132DROMIO OF SYRACUSEDo you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man? am I myself?
25232ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.
25332DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.
25432ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat woman's man? and how besides thyself? besides thyself?
25532DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
25632ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat claim lays she to thee?
25732DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
25832ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat is she?
25932DROMIO OF SYRACUSEA very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.
26032ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEHow dost thou mean a fat marriage?
26132DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.
26232ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat complexion is she of?
26332DROMIO OF SYRACUSESwart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over shoes in the grime of it.
26432ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThat's a fault that water will mend.
26532DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
26632ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat's her name?
26732DROMIO OF SYRACUSENell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hip to hip.
26832ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThen she bears some breadth?
26932DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo longer from head to foot than from hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.
27032ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEIn what part of her body stands Ireland?
27132DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.
27232ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere Scotland?
27332DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.
27432ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere France?
27532DROMIO OF SYRACUSEIn her forehead; armed and reverted, making war against her heir.
27632ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere England?
27732DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
27832ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere Spain?
27932DROMIO OF SYRACUSEFaith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.
28032ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere America, the Indies?
28132DROMIO OF SYRACUSEOh, sir, upon her nose all o'er embellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.
28232ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
28332DROMIO OF SYRACUSEOh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch: And, I think, if my breast had not been made of faith and my heart of steel, She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made me turn i' the wheel.
28432ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEGo hie thee presently, post to the road: An if the wind blow any way from shore, I will not harbour in this town to-night: If any bark put forth, come to the mart, Where I will walk till thou return to me. If every one knows us and we know none, 'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
28532DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAs from a bear a man would run for life, So fly I from her that would be my wife.
286(stage directions)32[Exit]
28732ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThere's none but witches do inhabit here; And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence. She that doth call me husband, even my soul Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister, Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace, Of such enchanting presence and discourse, Hath almost made me traitor to myself: But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong, I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.
288(stage directions)32[Enter ANGELO with the chain]
28932ANGELOMaster Antipholus,--
29032ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAy, that's my name.
29132ANGELOI know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain. I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine: The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long.
29232ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat is your will that I shall do with this?
29332ANGELOWhat please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.
29432ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEMade it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.
29532ANGELONot once, nor twice, but twenty times you have. Go home with it and please your wife withal; And soon at supper-time I'll visit you And then receive my money for the chain.
29632ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI pray you, sir, receive the money now, For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.
29732ANGELOYou are a merry man, sir: fare you well.
298(stage directions)32[Exit]
29932ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat I should think of this, I cannot tell: But this I think, there's no man is so vain That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain. I see a man here needs not live by shifts, When in the streets he meets such golden gifts. I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay If any ship put out, then straight away.
300(stage directions)32[Exit]
301(stage directions)41[Enter Second Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer]
30241SECOND MERCHANTYou know since Pentecost the sum is due, And since I have not much importuned you; Nor now I had not, but that I am bound To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage: Therefore make present satisfaction, Or I'll attach you by this officer.
30341ANGELOEven just the sum that I do owe to you Is growing to me by Antipholus, And in the instant that I met with you He had of me a chain: at five o'clock I shall receive the money for the same. Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house, I will discharge my bond and thank you too. [Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus] from the courtezan's]
30441OFFICERThat labour may you save: see where he comes.
30541ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWhile I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow Among my wife and her confederates, For locking me out of my doors by day. But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone; Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.
30641DROMIO OF EPHESUSI buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.
307(stage directions)41[Exit]
30841ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSA man is well holp up that trusts to you: I promised your presence and the chain; But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me. Belike you thought our love would last too long, If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.
30941ANGELOSaving your merry humour, here's the note How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat, The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion. Which doth amount to three odd ducats more Than I stand debted to this gentleman: I pray you, see him presently discharged, For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.
31041ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI am not furnish'd with the present money; Besides, I have some business in the town. Good signior, take the stranger to my house And with you take the chain and bid my wife Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof: Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
31141ANGELOThen you will bring the chain to her yourself?
31241ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSNo; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
31341ANGELOWell, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
31441ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAn if I have not, sir, I hope you have; Or else you may return without your money.
31541ANGELONay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain: Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman, And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
31641ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSGood Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse Your breach of promise to the Porpentine. I should have chid you for not bringing it, But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
31741SECOND MERCHANTThe hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
31841ANGELOYou hear how he importunes me;--the chain!
31941ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWhy, give it to my wife and fetch your money.
32041ANGELOCome, come, you know I gave it you even now. Either send the chain or send me by some token.
32141ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSFie, now you run this humour out of breath, where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
32241SECOND MERCHANTMy business cannot brook this dalliance. Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no: If not, I'll leave him to the officer.
32341ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI answer you! what should I answer you?
32441ANGELOThe money that you owe me for the chain.
32541ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI owe you none till I receive the chain.
32641ANGELOYou know I gave it you half an hour since.
32741ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.
32841ANGELOYou wrong me more, sir, in denying it: Consider how it stands upon my credit.
32941SECOND MERCHANTWell, officer, arrest him at my suit.
33041OFFICERI do; and charge you in the duke's name to obey me.
33141ANGELOThis touches me in reputation. Either consent to pay this sum for me Or I attach you by this officer.
33241ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSConsent to pay thee that I never had! Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.
33341ANGELOHere is thy fee; arrest him, officer, I would not spare my brother in this case, If he should scorn me so apparently.
33441OFFICERI do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.
33541ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI do obey thee till I give thee bail. But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear As all the metal in your shop will answer.
33641ANGELOSir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.
337(stage directions)41[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse, from the bay]
33841DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, there is a bark of Epidamnum That stays but till her owner comes aboard, And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir, I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all But for their owner, master, and yourself.
33941ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSHow now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep, What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
34041DROMIO OF SYRACUSEA ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
34141ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope; And told thee to what purpose and what end.
34241DROMIO OF SYRACUSEYou sent me for a rope's end as soon: You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
34341ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI will debate this matter at more leisure And teach your ears to list me with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight: Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry, There is a purse of ducats; let her send it: Tell her I am arrested in the street And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone! On, officer, to prison till it come. [Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and] Antipholus of Ephesus]
34441DROMIO OF SYRACUSETo Adriana! that is where we dined, Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband: She is too big, I hope, for me to compass. Thither I must, although against my will, For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.
345(stage directions)41[Exit]
346(stage directions)42[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA]
34742ADRIANAAh, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye That he did plead in earnest? yea or no? Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily? What observation madest thou in this case Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?
34842LUCIANAFirst he denied you had in him no right.
34942ADRIANAHe meant he did me none; the more my spite.
35042LUCIANAThen swore he that he was a stranger here.
35142ADRIANAAnd true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
35242LUCIANAThen pleaded I for you.
35342ADRIANAAnd what said he?
35442LUCIANAThat love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.
35542ADRIANAWith what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
35642LUCIANAWith words that in an honest suit might move. First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
35742ADRIANADidst speak him fair?
35842LUCIANAHave patience, I beseech.
35942ADRIANAI cannot, nor I will not, hold me still; My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. He is deformed, crooked, old and sere, Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere; Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind; Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
36042LUCIANAWho would be jealous then of such a one? No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.
36142ADRIANAAh, but I think him better than I say, And yet would herein others' eyes were worse. Far from her nest the lapwing cries away: My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
362(stage directions)42[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]
36342DROMIO OF SYRACUSEHere! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste.
36442LUCIANAHow hast thou lost thy breath?
36542DROMIO OF SYRACUSEBy running fast.
36642ADRIANAWhere is thy master, Dromio? is he well?
36742DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell. A devil in an everlasting garment hath him; One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel; A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough; A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff; A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands; A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well; One that before the judgement carries poor souls to hell.
36842ADRIANAWhy, man, what is the matter?
36942DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case.
37042ADRIANAWhat, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
37142DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI know not at whose suit he is arrested well; But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell. Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?
37242ADRIANAGo fetch it, sister. [Exit Luciana] This I wonder at, That he, unknown to me, should be in debt. Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
37342DROMIO OF SYRACUSENot on a band, but on a stronger thing; A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring?
37442ADRIANAWhat, the chain?
37542DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo, no, the bell: 'tis time that I were gone: It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.
37642ADRIANAThe hours come back! that did I never hear.
37742DROMIO OF SYRACUSEO, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back for very fear.
37842ADRIANAAs if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!
37942DROMIO OF SYRACUSETime is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's worth, to season. Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say That Time comes stealing on by night and day? If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way, Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
380(stage directions)42[Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse]
38142ADRIANAGo, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight; And bring thy master home immediately. Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit-- Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
382(stage directions)42[Exeunt]
383(stage directions)43[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]
38443ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThere's not a man I meet but doth salute me As if I were their well-acquainted friend; And every one doth call me by my name. Some tender money to me; some invite me; Some other give me thanks for kindnesses; Some offer me commodities to buy: Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop And show'd me silks that he had bought for me, And therewithal took measure of my body. Sure, these are but imaginary wiles And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
385(stage directions)43[Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
38643DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?
38743ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?
38843DROMIO OF SYRACUSENot that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
38943ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI understand thee not.
39043DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.
39143ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat, thou meanest an officer?
39243DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAy, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, 'God give you good rest!'
39343ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWell, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any
39443DROMIO OF SYRACUSEWhy, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.
39543ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThe fellow is distract, and so am I; And here we wander in illusions: Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
396(stage directions)43[Enter a Courtezan]
39743COURTEZANWell met, well met, Master Antipholus. I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now: Is that the chain you promised me to-day?
39843ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSESatan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
39943DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, is this Mistress Satan?
40043ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEIt is the devil.
40143DROMIO OF SYRACUSENay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof comes that the wenches say 'God damn me;' that's as much to say 'God make me a light wench.' It is written, they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
40243COURTEZANYour man and you are marvellous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here?
40343DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a long spoon.
40443ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, Dromio?
40543DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil.
40643ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAvoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress: I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
40743COURTEZANGive me the ring of mine you had at dinner, Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised, And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
40843DROMIO OF SYRACUSESome devils ask but the parings of one's nail, A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, A nut, a cherry-stone; But she, more covetous, would have a chain. Master, be wise: an if you give it her, The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
40943COURTEZANI pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain: I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
41043ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAvaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.
41143DROMIO OF SYRACUSE'Fly pride,' says the peacock: mistress, that you know.
412(stage directions)43[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse]
41343COURTEZANNow, out of doubt Antipholus is mad, Else would he never so demean himself. A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promised me a chain: Both one and other he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, Besides this present instance of his rage, Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner, Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now to hie home to his house, And tell his wife that, being lunatic, He rush'd into my house and took perforce My ring away. This course I fittest choose; For forty ducats is too much to lose.
414(stage directions)43[Exit]
415(stage directions)44[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer]
41644ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSFear me not, man; I will not break away: I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money, To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day, And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attach'd in Ephesus, I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears. [Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end] Here comes my man; I think he brings the money. How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?
41744DROMIO OF EPHESUSHere's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
41844ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSBut where's the money?
41944DROMIO OF EPHESUSWhy, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
42044ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSFive hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
42144DROMIO OF EPHESUSI'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
42244ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSTo what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
42344DROMIO OF EPHESUSTo a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.
42444ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
425(stage directions)44[Beating him]
42644OFFICERGood sir, be patient.
42744DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.
42844OFFICERGood, now, hold thy tongue.
42944DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
43044ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou whoreson, senseless villain!
43144DROMIO OF EPHESUSI would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.
43244ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.
43344DROMIO OF EPHESUSI am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
43444ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSCome, go along; my wife is coming yonder.
435(stage directions)44[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH]
43644DROMIO OF EPHESUSMistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the rope's-end.'
43744ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWilt thou still talk?
438(stage directions)44[Beating him]
43944COURTEZANHow say you now? is not your husband mad?
44044ADRIANAHis incivility confirms no less. Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand.
44144LUCIANAAlas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
44244COURTEZANMark how he trembles in his ecstasy!
44344PINCHGive me your hand and let me feel your pulse.
44444ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThere is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
445(stage directions)44[Striking him]
44644PINCHI charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight: I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!
44744ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSPeace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.
44844ADRIANAO, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!
44944ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house to-day, Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut And I denied to enter in my house?
45044ADRIANAO husband, God doth know you dined at home; Where would you had remain'd until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame!
45144ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?
45244DROMIO OF EPHESUSSir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
45344ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWere not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?
45444DROMIO OF EPHESUSPerdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.
45544ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd did not she herself revile me there?
45644DROMIO OF EPHESUSSans fable, she herself reviled you there.
45744ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDid not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
45844DROMIO OF EPHESUSCertes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.
45944ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd did not I in rage depart from thence?
46044DROMIO OF EPHESUSIn verity you did; my bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
46144ADRIANAIs't good to soothe him in these contraries?
46244PINCHIt is no shame: the fellow finds his vein, And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.
46344ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.
46444ADRIANAAlas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
46544DROMIO OF EPHESUSMoney by me! heart and goodwill you might; But surely master, not a rag of money.
46644ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWent'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
46744ADRIANAHe came to me and I deliver'd it.
46844LUCIANAAnd I am witness with her that she did.
46944DROMIO OF EPHESUSGod and the rope-maker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope!
47044PINCHMistress, both man and master is possess'd; I know it by their pale and deadly looks: They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
47144ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSSay, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day? And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
47244ADRIANAI did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
47344DROMIO OF EPHESUSAnd, gentle master, I received no gold; But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.
47444ADRIANADissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.
47544ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDissembling harlot, thou art false in all; And art confederate with a damned pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me: But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes That would behold in me this shameful sport. [Enter three or four, and offer to bind him.] He strives]
47644ADRIANAO, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.
47744PINCHMore company! The fiend is strong within him.
47844LUCIANAAy me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!
47944ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWhat, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou, I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue?
48044OFFICERMasters, let him go He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
48144PINCHGo bind this man, for he is frantic too.
482(stage directions)44[They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus]
48344ADRIANAWhat wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
48444OFFICERHe is my prisoner: if I let him go, The debt he owes will be required of me.
48544ADRIANAI will discharge thee ere I go from thee: Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
48644ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSO most unhappy strumpet!
48744DROMIO OF EPHESUSMaster, I am here entered in bond for you.
48844ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSOut on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?
48944DROMIO OF EPHESUSWill you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master: cry 'The devil!'
49044LUCIANAGod help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!
49144ADRIANAGo bear him hence. Sister, go you with me. [Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and] Courtezan] Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
49244OFFICEROne Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?
49344ADRIANAI know the man. What is the sum he owes?
49444OFFICERTwo hundred ducats.
49544ADRIANASay, how grows it due?
49644OFFICERDue for a chain your husband had of him.
49744ADRIANAHe did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
49844COURTEZANWhen as your husband all in rage to-day Came to my house and took away my ring-- The ring I saw upon his finger now-- Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
49944ADRIANAIt may be so, but I did never see it. Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is: I long to know the truth hereof at large. [Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn,] and DROMIO of Syracuse]
50044LUCIANAGod, for thy mercy! they are loose again.
50144ADRIANAAnd come with naked swords. Let's call more help to have them bound again.
50244OFFICERAway! they'll kill us. [Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio] of Syracuse]
50344ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI see these witches are afraid of swords.
50444DROMIO OF SYRACUSEShe that would be your wife now ran from you.
50544ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSECome to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence: I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
50644DROMIO OF SYRACUSEFaith, stay here this night; they will surely do us no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold: methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch.
50744ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI will not stay to-night for all the town; Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
508(stage directions)44[Exeunt]
509(stage directions)51[Enter Second Merchant and ANGELO]
51051ANGELOI am sorry, sir, that I have hinder'd you; But, I protest, he had the chain of me, Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
51151SECOND MERCHANTHow is the man esteemed here in the city?
51251ANGELOOf very reverend reputation, sir, Of credit infinite, highly beloved, Second to none that lives here in the city: His word might bear my wealth at any time.
51351SECOND MERCHANTSpeak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.
514(stage directions)51[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and DROMIO of Syracuse]
51551ANGELO'Tis so; and that self chain about his neck Which he forswore most monstrously to have. Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him. Signior Antipholus, I wonder much That you would put me to this shame and trouble; And, not without some scandal to yourself, With circumstance and oaths so to deny This chain which now you wear so openly: Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment, You have done wrong to this my honest friend, Who, but for staying on our controversy, Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day: This chain you had of me; can you deny it?
51651ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI think I had; I never did deny it.
51751SECOND MERCHANTYes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
51851ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWho heard me to deny it or forswear it?
51951SECOND MERCHANTThese ears of mine, thou know'st did hear thee. Fie on thee, wretch! 'tis pity that thou livest To walk where any honest man resort.
52051ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThou art a villain to impeach me thus: I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty Against thee presently, if thou darest stand.
52151SECOND MERCHANTI dare, and do defy thee for a villain.
522(stage directions)51[They draw]
523(stage directions)51[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and others]
52451ADRIANAHold, hurt him not, for God's sake! he is mad. Some get within him, take his sword away: Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.
52551DROMIO OF SYRACUSERun, master, run; for God's sake, take a house! This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd! [Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse] to the Priory]
526(stage directions)51[Enter the Lady Abbess, AEMILIA]
52751AEMILIABe quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?
52851ADRIANATo fetch my poor distracted husband hence. Let us come in, that we may bind him fast And bear him home for his recovery.
52951ANGELOI knew he was not in his perfect wits.
53051SECOND MERCHANTI am sorry now that I did draw on him.
53151AEMILIAHow long hath this possession held the man?
53251ADRIANAThis week he hath been heavy, sour, sad, And much different from the man he was; But till this afternoon his passion Ne'er brake into extremity of rage.
53351AEMILIAHath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea? Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye Stray'd his affection in unlawful love? A sin prevailing much in youthful men, Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing. Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
53451ADRIANATo none of these, except it be the last; Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
53551AEMILIAYou should for that have reprehended him.
53651ADRIANAWhy, so I did.
53751AEMILIAAy, but not rough enough.
53851ADRIANAAs roughly as my modesty would let me.
53951AEMILIAHaply, in private.
54051ADRIANAAnd in assemblies too.
54151AEMILIAAy, but not enough.
54251ADRIANAIt was the copy of our conference: In bed he slept not for my urging it; At board he fed not for my urging it; Alone, it was the subject of my theme; In company I often glanced it; Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
54351AEMILIAAnd thereof came it that the man was mad. The venom clamours of a jealous woman Poisons more deadly than a mad dog's tooth. It seems his sleeps were hinder'd by thy railing, And therefore comes it that his head is light. Thou say'st his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings: Unquiet meals make ill digestions; Thereof the raging fire of fever bred; And what's a fever but a fit of madness? Thou say'st his sports were hinderd by thy brawls: Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensue But moody and dull melancholy, Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair, And at her heels a huge infectious troop Of pale distemperatures and foes to life? In food, in sport and life-preserving rest To be disturb'd, would mad or man or beast: The consequence is then thy jealous fits Have scared thy husband from the use of wits.
54451LUCIANAShe never reprehended him but mildly, When he demean'd himself rough, rude and wildly. Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?
54551ADRIANAShe did betray me to my own reproof. Good people enter and lay hold on him.
54651AEMILIANo, not a creature enters in my house.
54751ADRIANAThen let your servants bring my husband forth.
54851AEMILIANeither: he took this place for sanctuary, And it shall privilege him from your hands Till I have brought him to his wits again, Or lose my labour in assaying it.
54951ADRIANAI will attend my husband, be his nurse, Diet his sickness, for it is my office, And will have no attorney but myself; And therefore let me have him home with me.
55051AEMILIABe patient; for I will not let him stir Till I have used the approved means I have, With wholesome syrups, drugs and holy prayers, To make of him a formal man again: It is a branch and parcel of mine oath, A charitable duty of my order. Therefore depart and leave him here with me.
55151ADRIANAI will not hence and leave my husband here: And ill it doth beseem your holiness To separate the husband and the wife.
55251AEMILIABe quiet and depart: thou shalt not have him.
553(stage directions)51[Exit]
55451LUCIANAComplain unto the duke of this indignity.
55551ADRIANACome, go: I will fall prostrate at his feet And never rise until my tears and prayers Have won his grace to come in person hither And take perforce my husband from the abbess.
55651SECOND MERCHANTBy this, I think, the dial points at five: Anon, I'm sure, the duke himself in person Comes this way to the melancholy vale, The place of death and sorry execution, Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
55751ANGELOUpon what cause?
55851SECOND MERCHANTTo see a reverend Syracusian merchant, Who put unluckily into this bay Against the laws and statutes of this town, Beheaded publicly for his offence.
55951ANGELOSee where they come: we will behold his death.
56051LUCIANAKneel to the duke before he pass the abbey. [Enter DUKE SOLINUS, attended; AEGEON bareheaded; with the] Headsman and other Officers]
56151DUKE SOLINUSYet once again proclaim it publicly, If any friend will pay the sum for him, He shall not die; so much we tender him.
56251ADRIANAJustice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!
56351DUKE SOLINUSShe is a virtuous and a reverend lady: It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
56451ADRIANAMay it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband, Whom I made lord of me and all I had, At your important letters,--this ill day A most outrageous fit of madness took him; That desperately he hurried through the street, With him his bondman, all as mad as he-- Doing displeasure to the citizens By rushing in their houses, bearing thence Rings, jewels, any thing his rage did like. Once did I get him bound and sent him home, Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went, That here and there his fury had committed. Anon, I wot not by what strong escape, He broke from those that had the guard of him; And with his mad attendant and himself, Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords, Met us again and madly bent on us, Chased us away; till, raising of more aid, We came again to bind them. Then they fled Into this abbey, whither we pursued them: And here the abbess shuts the gates on us And will not suffer us to fetch him out, Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence. Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.
56551DUKE SOLINUSLong since thy husband served me in my wars, And I to thee engaged a prince's word, When thou didst make him master of thy bed, To do him all the grace and good I could. Go, some of you, knock at the abbey-gate And bid the lady abbess come to me. I will determine this before I stir.
566(stage directions)51[Enter a Servant]
56751SERVANTO mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself! My master and his man are both broke loose, Beaten the maids a-row and bound the doctor Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire; And ever, as it blazed, they threw on him Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair: My master preaches patience to him and the while His man with scissors nicks him like a fool, And sure, unless you send some present help, Between them they will kill the conjurer.
56851ADRIANAPeace, fool! thy master and his man are here, And that is false thou dost report to us.
56951SERVANTMistress, upon my life, I tell you true; I have not breathed almost since I did see it. He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you, To scorch your face and to disfigure you. [Cry within] Hark, hark! I hear him, mistress. fly, be gone!
57051DUKE SOLINUSCome, stand by me; fear nothing. Guard with halberds!
57151ADRIANAAy me, it is my husband! Witness you, That he is borne about invisible: Even now we housed him in the abbey here; And now he's there, past thought of human reason.
572(stage directions)51[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus]
57351ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSJustice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justice! Even for the service that long since I did thee, When I bestrid thee in the wars and took Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
57451AEGEONUnless the fear of death doth make me dote, I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.
57551ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSJustice, sweet prince, against that woman there! She whom thou gavest to me to be my wife, That hath abused and dishonour'd me Even in the strength and height of injury! Beyond imagination is the wrong That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
57651DUKE SOLINUSDiscover how, and thou shalt find me just.
57751ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThis day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me, While she with harlots feasted in my house.
57851DUKE SOLINUSA grievous fault! Say, woman, didst thou so?
57951ADRIANANo, my good lord: myself, he and my sister To-day did dine together. So befall my soul As this is false he burdens me withal!
58051LUCIANANe'er may I look on day, nor sleep on night, But she tells to your highness simple truth!
58151ANGELOO perjured woman! They are both forsworn: In this the madman justly chargeth them.
58251ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSMy liege, I am advised what I say, Neither disturbed with the effect of wine, Nor heady-rash, provoked with raging ire, Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad. This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner: That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her, Could witness it, for he was with me then; Who parted with me to go fetch a chain, Promising to bring it to the Porpentine, Where Balthazar and I did dine together. Our dinner done, and he not coming thither, I went to seek him: in the street I met him And in his company that gentleman. There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down That I this day of him received the chain, Which, God he knows, I saw not: for the which He did arrest me with an officer. I did obey, and sent my peasant home For certain ducats: he with none return'd Then fairly I bespoke the officer To go in person with me to my house. By the way we met My wife, her sister, and a rabble more Of vile confederates. Along with them They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain, A mere anatomy, a mountebank, A threadbare juggler and a fortune-teller, A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch, A dead-looking man: this pernicious slave, Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer, And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse, And with no face, as 'twere, outfacing me, Cries out, I was possess'd. Then all together They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence And in a dark and dankish vault at home There left me and my man, both bound together; Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder, I gain'd my freedom, and immediately Ran hither to your grace; whom I beseech To give me ample satisfaction For these deep shames and great indignities.
58351ANGELOMy lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him, That he dined not at home, but was lock'd out.
58451DUKE SOLINUSBut had he such a chain of thee or no?
58551ANGELOHe had, my lord: and when he ran in here, These people saw the chain about his neck.
58651SECOND MERCHANTBesides, I will be sworn these ears of mine Heard you confess you had the chain of him After you first forswore it on the mart: And thereupon I drew my sword on you; And then you fled into this abbey here, From whence, I think, you are come by miracle.
58751ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI never came within these abbey-walls, Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me: I never saw the chain, so help me Heaven! And this is false you burden me withal.
58851DUKE SOLINUSWhy, what an intricate impeach is this! I think you all have drunk of Circe's cup. If here you housed him, here he would have been; If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly: You say he dined at home; the goldsmith here Denies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?
58951DROMIO OF EPHESUSSir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.
59051COURTEZANHe did, and from my finger snatch'd that ring.
59151ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS'Tis true, my liege; this ring I had of her.
59251DUKE SOLINUSSaw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?
59351COURTEZANAs sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.
59451DUKE SOLINUSWhy, this is strange. Go call the abbess hither. I think you are all mated or stark mad.
595(stage directions)51[Exit one to Abbess]
59651AEGEONMost mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word: Haply I see a friend will save my life And pay the sum that may deliver me.
59751DUKE SOLINUSSpeak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
59851AEGEONIs not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus? And is not that your bondman, Dromio?
59951DROMIO OF EPHESUSWithin this hour I was his bondman sir, But he, I thank him, gnaw'd in two my cords: Now am I Dromio and his man unbound.
60051AEGEONI am sure you both of you remember me.
60151DROMIO OF EPHESUSOurselves we do remember, sir, by you; For lately we were bound, as you are now You are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?
60251AEGEONWhy look you strange on me? you know me well.
60351ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI never saw you in my life till now.
60451AEGEONO, grief hath changed me since you saw me last, And careful hours with time's deformed hand Have written strange defeatures in my face: But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
60551ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSNeither.
60651AEGEONDromio, nor thou?
60751DROMIO OF EPHESUSNo, trust me, sir, nor I.
60851AEGEONI am sure thou dost.
60951DROMIO OF EPHESUSAy, sir, but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to believe him.
61051AEGEONNot know my voice! O time's extremity, Hast thou so crack'd and splitted my poor tongue In seven short years, that here my only son Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares? Though now this grained face of mine be hid In sap-consuming winter's drizzled snow, And all the conduits of my blood froze up, Yet hath my night of life some memory, My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left, My dull deaf ears a little use to hear: All these old witnesses--I cannot err-- Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
61151ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI never saw my father in my life.
61251AEGEONBut seven years since, in Syracusa, boy, Thou know'st we parted: but perhaps, my son, Thou shamest to acknowledge me in misery.
61351ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThe duke and all that know me in the city Can witness with me that it is not so I ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.
61451DUKE SOLINUSI tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years Have I been patron to Antipholus, During which time he ne'er saw Syracusa: I see thy age and dangers make thee dote. [Re-enter AEMILIA, with ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and] DROMIO of Syracuse]
61551AEMILIAMost mighty duke, behold a man much wrong'd.
616(stage directions)51[All gather to see them]
61751ADRIANAI see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
61851DUKE SOLINUSOne of these men is Genius to the other; And so of these. Which is the natural man, And which the spirit? who deciphers them?
61951DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI, sir, am Dromio; command him away.
62051DROMIO OF EPHESUSI, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.
62151ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAEgeon art thou not? or else his ghost?
62251DROMIO OF SYRACUSEO, my old master! who hath bound him here?
62351AEMILIAWhoever bound him, I will loose his bonds And gain a husband by his liberty. Speak, old AEgeon, if thou be'st the man That hadst a wife once call'd AEmilia That bore thee at a burden two fair sons: O, if thou be'st the same AEgeon, speak, And speak unto the same AEmilia!
62451AEGEONIf I dream not, thou art AEmilia: If thou art she, tell me where is that son That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
62551AEMILIABy men of Epidamnum he and I And the twin Dromio all were taken up; But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth By force took Dromio and my son from them And me they left with those of Epidamnum. What then became of them I cannot tell I to this fortune that you see me in.
62651DUKE SOLINUSWhy, here begins his morning story right; These two Antipholuses, these two so like, And these two Dromios, one in semblance,-- Besides her urging of her wreck at sea,-- These are the parents to these children, Which accidentally are met together. Antipholus, thou camest from Corinth first?
62751ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENo, sir, not I; I came from Syracuse.
62851DUKE SOLINUSStay, stand apart; I know not which is which.
62951ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI came from Corinth, my most gracious lord,--
63051DROMIO OF EPHESUSAnd I with him.
63151ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSBrought to this town by that most famous warrior, Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.
63251ADRIANAWhich of you two did dine with me to-day?
63351ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI, gentle mistress.
63451ADRIANAAnd are not you my husband?
63551ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSNo; I say nay to that.
63651ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAnd so do I; yet did she call me so: And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here, Did call me brother. [To Luciana] What I told you then, I hope I shall have leisure to make good; If this be not a dream I see and hear.
63751ANGELOThat is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
63851ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI think it be, sir; I deny it not.
63951ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
64051ANGELOI think I did, sir; I deny it not.
64151ADRIANAI sent you money, sir, to be your bail, By Dromio; but I think he brought it not.
64251DROMIO OF EPHESUSNo, none by me.
64351ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThis purse of ducats I received from you, And Dromio, my man, did bring them me. I see we still did meet each other's man, And I was ta'en for him, and he for me, And thereupon these errors are arose.
64451ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThese ducats pawn I for my father here.
64551DUKE SOLINUSIt shall not need; thy father hath his life.
64651COURTEZANSir, I must have that diamond from you.
64751ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThere, take it; and much thanks for my good cheer.
64851AEMILIARenowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains To go with us into the abbey here And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes: And all that are assembled in this place, That by this sympathized one day's error Have suffer'd wrong, go keep us company, And we shall make full satisfaction. Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail Of you, my sons; and till this present hour My heavy burden ne'er delivered. The duke, my husband and my children both, And you the calendars of their nativity, Go to a gossips' feast and go with me; After so long grief, such festivity!
64951DUKE SOLINUSWith all my heart, I'll gossip at this feast. [Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse, Antipholus] of Ephesus, Dromio of Syracuse and Dromio of Ephesus]
65051DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
65151ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark'd?
65251DROMIO OF SYRACUSEYour goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
65351ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEHe speaks to me. I am your master, Dromio: Come, go with us; we'll look to that anon: Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.
654(stage directions)51[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Antipholus of Ephesus]
65551DROMIO OF SYRACUSEThere is a fat friend at your master's house, That kitchen'd me for you to-day at dinner: She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
65651DROMIO OF EPHESUSMethinks you are my glass, and not my brother: I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth. Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
65751DROMIO OF SYRACUSENot I, sir; you are my elder.
65851DROMIO OF EPHESUSThat's a question: how shall we try it?
65951DROMIO OF SYRACUSEWe'll draw cuts for the senior: till then lead thou first.
66051DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, then, thus: We came into the world like brother and brother; And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.
661(stage directions)51[Exeunt]


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